at first i didnt know my feeling for him,
but i started to realized i really liked him.
and everytime i saw him,
it was like my heart beated faster and i could help but smile.
and whats really amazing,
is with him...
i was getting better,
i stoped cutting myself,
and even started to enjoy life.
i was happier,
and more.... more alive.
i was starting to make jokes,
and laugh,
and even eat...
i started to think i might actully love him.
like...
like i dont know,
but it was like everytime i saw him
i just wanted to hug him and
sit on the couch and play bmo (adventure time refrence)
he made my life happy,
and i didnt think i mess this up.
but of course.
i did...
i was always nerves he might leave me,
so i made dumb little jokes about us breaking up,
like if he said he didnt like the hunger games,
or he didnt like taylor swift.
but of course i was just kidding.
i would never actully leave him.
but...
i didnt have to,
he left me.
it was Saturday and he messaged me on facebook.
i didnt sence anything was worng...
untill he sent me the message.
"i dont think this is wprking out, im sorry"
and right then,
my whole world shut down.
all my pain and numbess,
just came back and hit me,
i dropee my tablet,
and sat there.
i didnt know wiether i was gonna cry,
or scream....
so i went outsdie sat on my pourch in the darkness...
and cried...
i woke up in my bed the next day,
everything hurt,
my eyes were puffy.
all the numbing pain was back.
i couldnt even get out of ed before i felt like dying.
everytime i saw food i though i was gonna through up,
i saw a razor..
and the urge came back,
for the first time in a month...
the want, and need to cut,
just came fludding back.
i saw him today at school,
i didnt know what to do.
i sat there alone on the wall,
and cried.
just cried.
people told me
"its okay"
"he wqasnt worth it"
chris told me why he did it..
the morgan told me a different reason.
and they just made me cry worse....
i...
i just feel dead now.
thats it.
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