This 4th of July I decided to drink.
I don't often drink....even when I turned 21 I didn't drink until 2-3 months later. There was nothing fancy about my birthday except I had a cake and it was shared with neighbors and family members of family members...lol. Non of these people I knew very well....but since I had no friends it was ok.
Anywayz I decided I'd drink this time since everyone else was pretty much gonna be drunk...I figure why not? I had a lot on my mind...I couldn't sleep for days at the proper hours because of what I had on my mind...this was a perfect opportunity to drink for me....not to mention they bought me my favorite drinks especially for me...soo how was I suppose to decline?...
At first I was mellow...and then...idk...I sat down after 8 and half drinks and felt sick and really really drunk....those drinks kinda snuck up on me because I hadn't ate much that day...it had been along time since I last drank....and I was tired...having only gotten an hour of sleep total. When I realized I was drunk I did what I always do...I stopped drinking...I poured out the last of my drink and I went inside the house and got a large bottle filled with water...my grandpa kept wanting us to go to bed and he wouldn't go without me cause he was worried but I was fine...I still keep a good head and I watch my balance. But he still waited....soo I told him once I've drank 3-4 large bottles of water...we could go to bed...I do this to prevent a hangover and knew...I was gonna have a hangover if I didn't...it would have been my first hangover but yeah...why would I be that dumb...? Believe me I wanted sleep really bad...at times I felt like falling asleep in the bathroom but if I did...I was gonna end up vomitting at some point.
Luckily I managed and even kept myself away from the drama unfolding around me....apparently my uncles wife wasn't ready to go to bed and relieve my mom of babysitting....so there was a lot of argueing...She was mad that my uncle never has to give it up...that it wasn't fair that he parties every weekend and she gets stuck with the kids...she added that she loved her kids but sometimes she needed a break....as much as I feel for her...she knew who she was marrying when she said 'I do'....my uncle is and has always been a dick...he's your typical aries...no offense to all aries....anyway..she didn't come in and my mom ended up stuck with the babies...I don't believe my mom will be babysitting any time soon again....which means they'll be looking towards me and my cousin....not fun for me cause my uncle takes advantage....and I feel obligated to watch them because they let me use their car....
Watching the kids wouldn't be soo bad but they have a 4 year old still in a diaper because he refuses to use the toilet out of laziness...even tho he knows how...its true what they say Taurus only do things when they are good and ready...he's also pretty terrible...he distroys stuff just to be a brat...you have to watch him all the time...if you have to pee..you have to hold it until they come back cause he takes every second to do something terrible....aside from him...his 5 year old brother is usually pretty good until he wants something he can't have....he's a whiner...and then there's the 2 lil ones...both in diapers...both on formula....one is to be my god daughter and she's a good baby...I could watch her all day...she's no trouble. But the littlest one...she's fussy...and well her diaper changing time is one to dread....lol. Don't get me wrong they're all lovable kids and I have a strong fondness for them....I just always feel really exhausted after watching all four....I mean do they're parents have to leave all the kids behind everytime they go to the store? I know its hard to control them together but they need to learn to teach the kids how to be in public...plus we're not their personal babysitters on a daily....I can imagine helping out from time to time but not almost everyday....I wish I had a job already then I'd have an excuse...lol.
So out of pure curiosity.......I decided to read the sample 50 shades of Grey.....lol
People have been talking about it a lot and well....I became curious....I would never buy the physical book or barrow it from the library....no. My family is all aware with the title and they know its a .....naughty story...and well I can't have my family know I'm genuinely curious about those sort of things...kinda funny tho considering I threw a naughty birthday party for me and my sister...lol. Which is an interesting story...but we'll just say Strippers are gross...
My sister has read the books and it just makes me curious....I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious about sex....just cause I'm not getting any...doesn't mean I don't have an interest in the subject...lol...its just weird for my family to accept....soo I keep it to myself. I don't need them assuming things about me...they'd never let me leave the house...which is kinda weird and frustrating because of my age but whatever....
Anywho what I read was alright....at first I was thinking Mr.Grey sounded interesting but...then idk...its like his character changed into something else and I was no longer able to invision him the way I wanted...he lost his attraction to me...lol. I don't know why but I kept seeing him as this creepy older guy...and then he'd bounce back to being boyish....and then to being idk...mister control freak.... the girl, Ana, I can relate to in a sense...she's attracted to him and doesn't quiet know why....aside from goodlooks...she feels drawn to him...and feels fine with sleeping with him after only knowing him for a short amount of time....Ana in my opinion is innocent....she's never had a boyfriend...never had sex before...she likes to read......no guy measures up...or even comes close to interesting her as much as Mr.Grey has.....but to be honest his uh.....sexual kinks...are a little off putting....I don't know how the rest goes and I'm pretty curious but.... right now I'm a lil disappointed with how Mr.Grey is trying to go about things...takes the romance right out of it for me.....I guess I'd have to read the rest in order to make a final verdict but I'll have to wait until I can afford the books to be downloaded to my cell....like I said...no way in hell am I gonna be reading those books openly in front of family...that's like watching porn in front of them....its just wrong....bleh..
Other than that book....I've been reading the 'Fallen' books by Lauren Kate...I've read the first 2 before but its been soo long....that I'm starting them all over again....and its taking me forever....I just barely finished book 1....idk but I'm sorta not getting into it like I did before...don't get me wrong I like the characters...and who wouldn't want to fall in love with a gorgeous angel who loves you back? Maybe when I read the next book...I'll get hooked again....?....
I'm pretty depressed still....my feelings towards Al go hot and cold....I'm still dealing with my internal battle....and I can't say if I'm winning or losing...just that he's still on my mind...
No one has called for work yet and that's kinda making me worried....I really need a job....a steady job at that. None of this one day bs. I need the car fixed...I need to start saving money...I need to pay off debts and bills....but I'm finding myself wondering if anyone will hire me.....I know one thing...when I get another interview...I'm gonna ask if there's anything I can improve on to improve my chances...it sounds dumb because you don't know at that point if you got the job or not....but I might as well assume that every job I go in for isn't gonna hire me....not act it of course....I'll put my all into the interview...but I need some insight as to why I keep getting passed up....I can't gain experience if no one will give me a chance...=/
I need to work...working always helps distract me from thinking of things out of my control...I become happier cause its like I'm finally moving forward..I lose weight... and I meet a lot of interesting people...people that might get my mind off Al...who knows maybe I'll find someone special who thinks I'm special....its what everyone else thinks will happen for me....who knows... |
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