Soo I said I'd post the dreams that keep me wondering if they were pointing me towards my crush...to be honest it could be just that I'm hoping its him.....as time goes by tho...I pray I'm wrong and the reasons why is because I don't want to be crushing on this guy...I really don't...I didn't in the beginning and I don't wish to now.There are reasons and to be honest they are in my opinion good reasons...
One being that he is (last time I checked) in a long term relationship and I don't want to be that girl who likes a guy soo much that she disregards such a thing....I don't...believe me I don't disregard that fact at all...I think they look like a cute couple they must be happy together if they've been together for soo long....or atleast that's my nice side trying to be well nice (also trying to move on too...lol)...
The other side says she looks older than him and I wonder what's wrong with their relationship that he can't say he loves her though they've been together for 4 and a half years give or take a year. That he doesn't wish to marry and that he seems like he's checking his options. I wonder if he meant it that she really didn't want kids at all or maybe just not yet...? I know he wants kids really bad...and to be honest I think he'd be a good father....makes me wonder if maybe that's a problem for him....among other things..
He seemed fair and uninterested in other girls but after some time I noticed he was too friendly with the attractive girls....:/....honestly I disliked seeing that side of him....but I get it...some guys are just like that but have no intentions of cheating....he wasn't full blown flirting or hitting on these girls.....but then one day we got a new girl.
He didn't know her but she went to the same high school he went to....the girl was cute, quiet, but overly concerned with her makeup and clothes....always doing touch ups during work time....which annoys me because I'm all about production...but whatever I stay quiet and concentrate on what I'm doing.
Anyway I had been reading up about body language and how you know a guy may be interested in someone...All the signs were there...lol. He always found himself near her....during break his body while he sat was always turned towards her and he made sure to sit close to her...he teased her and asked her questions....he was always smiley....but she was in a relationship...we'll give her the name Tilly soo you know who I'm refering to....and we'll give him the name Al....anyway...Tilly had a boyfriend and from what I later learned a 'baby'...which turned out to be a kid not a baby...supposedly she was really serious about her relationship soo Al backed off. He still found her attractive but he was no longer really putting himself around her as much....and then another new girl was brought on to the scene...
We'll call her Kitty since that was the nickname she wanted to bestow onto me which doesn't fit me at all btw...and well apparently she likes to say the word....lol...soo I let her but now that's her nickname on here...lol...anyways she was blonde and beautiful.....Al made sure to let her know that the guys were gonna be bothering her a lot probably...at the time I thought she was alright..pretty but not beautiful...My sense of beauty tends to vary at different times...and at the time (not being a hater I swear..) didn't see anything special...I now can see that yeah she is a very pretty girl.
Anywho...Al had his attentions on this one waaay more than Tilly...and Tilly started feeling left out soo she befriended Kitty....but one day not long after Kitty started working for us...Kitty was dismiss by the agency I guess 'accidently' and Al made it a point to bring her back...I admittedly became annoyed...the girl wasn't that great of a worker and well....lol...I didn't like how he started to act around her. I had already discovered my unfortunate feelings towards him and well...it sucked watching the display. The girl was good at getting her way...it wasn't long before she didn't really have to work much...her friend Tilly didn't either and they got privilages that everyone else didn't...Al didn't get on them about much of anything and it showed....the other girls in our team started to dislike Kitty and Tilly and things became tense...
Rumors surfaced about certain 'people'...the supervisors noticed Al's attentions on Kitty and her lack of being productive....mistakes were being made and the supervisors got down on Al....he got written up for mistakes that were 1st shifts partially (who blamed all their screw ups on us....) and ours due to the lack of Al's attention on the other workers. Also because he wasn't having Kitty and Tilly work as hard and it was obvious enough for them to see it...they said he was messing up because he was paying more attention to the 'blonde' than to the job....I couldn't do anything....and I felt bad for him because not all of it was his fault....(ex. 1st shifts screw ups and the company ordering a large order that was doomed from the beginning and how they could blame that on him made no sense cause he didn't have anything to do with the discrepancies that came from that order...like I said it was screwed from the beginning and we did everything we could think of to fix the problem but at the end of the day it was the companies problem to decide what to do....what we did right, 1st shift took credit for...which pisses me off cause I did the work...bastards...)....but they were slightly right....and it was one of my fears for him because I knew it was going to happen sooner or later....
One day one of the girls became really angry at Kitty and a lot of talking started again and the tension got worse...during that time I didn't know what was going on just that it seemed like a lot of girls hating on girls...I found out later that Kitty flirted with a guy (we'll call her Deena) that Deena liked and told Kitty she liked him and that he was off limits...silly maybe but I get it...lol...Kitty I know had no interest in the guy...she made it apparent what guys she liked to me...and Deena's crush wasn't one of them...but he had something at the time she wanted I guess cause that's how Kitty works...or it could of been because Deena told her he was offlimits....=/.......
Anyways the girls became even more annoyed and production became harder since no one wanted to be around Kitty....Al thought it was funny...and had I not been worried about the girls potentially fighting and Al losing his job...I'd find it funny too....but since I didn't know the behind the scenes stuff I told him they just need to get to know her that she's nice....he laughed and said yeah....and then I added...but ya know...you need to get on her about working harder....he became serious and told me that everyone forgets that he gave them all a break their first week too....I at that point wasn't gonna argue...I knew he was being defensive and anything further might cost me my job....even tho he said he would never fire me...I wasn't gonna take my chances...lol.
The fact of the matter is that she had been working for a while now..her week passed and during that week she worked...she then was told by the agency not to come in and he called her back in...and that week she worked...but when she made a point to become his 'friend' her work progress stopped....everyone else on their second week was always scolded on their mess ups...well unless I fixed them and spoke to them first....
He was never mean to me....never really scolded me...he talked to me when I made a mistake...but would always say I was good soo not to worry....it wasn't really favortism with me...I was the good worker in the group...not patting myself on the back or even assuming I was something special...to be really honest I think he thought if he was mean/scolded me he'd make me cry and I don't think he'd be able to handle the situation....not gonna lie....I probably would have cried...but I wouldn't have done it in front of him...lol.
There were many reasons not to want to crush on him....but it still happened...its funny because the whole time before I realized my feelings and even after I was hoping and thinking I was gonna meet the guy from my dreams at that job....
The first dream I had in Dec 2009. In that one I'm sorta gliding over an area I live going down to land as I see a bus and my real body walking in the same direction. As I land I merge with my body and I'm talking to someone. I'm telling the person that I need to get home before the man on the bus gets there first. In my mind a tall, light skinned, thin, older in appearance man, thats on the bus is bad news for me. If my family lets him in his obsession with me is gonna cause me harm.
I rush to get home but before I get there I know I'm too late. He has already been let in...soo now I know I must force him out. When I get there I rush in telling my family we need to get him out...that he is no good. He sees me coming and runs to hide in the basement but before he can close the door I stop him. He becomes desperate and starts a fire in the stairway of the basement which oddly go up not down. I quickly grab a fire extinguisher and put out the fire. Exhausted from the struggle I let my uncles finish the job and get him out....I've done my part.
After hes put out of my life some time passes and it feels like I'm half awake and half asleep. I see a man walking towards me from the shadows and he has a smile that I find attractive. He's finished school at a college and its almost as if I know him. Hes younger than the other guy, has tan skin, and what appears to be dark hair, about my height, with a goatee. He likes me and I like him but I don't trust him. I refuse to trust him. I know he has some sort of connection to the other guy and as far as I am concerned I think hes come to gain my trust only to stab me in the back later.
In the dream because of the age difference...I made up in my mind that the two are related. Theres a part of me that tells me I'm wrong about this guy...that he doesn't even know about the other guy trying to cause problems. That I can trust this guy....but I won't. At some point its as if the guy is living with me and I see him walking up the stairs in the apartment following 2 young girls. He smiles at me...and I really like him but still I refuse to budge on what I think.
I wait for my grandparents to take me somewhere. I go outside and theres a car waiting. Its an oldish type car in a champagne color. I sit in the back seat and as I stare down I notice I'm pregnant. It seems the guy I like is the father but for some reason I'm not talking to him. As I wait I look ahead and I can see lots of traffic towards a court house that I am going to. I'm not sure why I'm going there but I figure it might have something to do with the older man from earlier on in the dream.
I don't wait long before I notice my water broke and now I have a change in plans. I tell my grandpa who was gonna be driving that I need to go back home. That my water broke and the baby is coming.
I then find myself at my old house I used to live in as a teen. I'm sitting on a white sheet on the floor in the living room and I'm pushing the baby out by myself as my family witnesses it. The baby comes out fast and I have a moment of thinking 'huh...is that all it is...?...oh I can definately do this again...'....lol. Which obviously its a dream and I felt no pain...to be honest it felt kinda weird...like a fish was pushed out of me from down there....um....yeah....lol....but I'm sure that wouldn't be the case in real life....lol..
Anyways. I'm handed a baby girl wrapped in a yellow blanket and I ask if I can spend a few moments with her in the bedroom before everyone gets a hold of her. I'm tired but I walk into the bedroom and I lay her down on my grandfathers bed and then I lay down next to her. I stare at the little miracle that I brought into the world and I tell her that I wish I knew what she was gonna look like when she gets older.. suddenly she rises up and shows me. I see a young woman in her twenties/thirties, tan skinned, light brown hair, brown eyes, and looks alot like me except shes more narrow/athletic looking, longish arms, smaller chest, thin, and has some features of her that I can distictly pick out that are her fathers features. I say shes pretty but feel weird about it cause she looks alot like I did when I was a little girl in one of my pictures and well I feel it'd be conceited to say shes beautiful....lol.( I'm weird...I know...:p...)...A light glows from behind her and she wears a yellow sundress. The image soon turns back to the newborn baby I gave birth to and as I smile down at my daughter for the gift she gave me of seeing her as a young woman I know I must make amends with her father and take her to see him.
I return to the apartment from earlier on in the dream and go to the basement. Its odd cause although I ascend stairs I am going into a basement. The basements walls are white and the room is brightly lit...theres not much clutter in there and off towards the back theres black bars appearing to be a holding cell. Behind the bars is my baby's father waiting patiently for me to come around to trust and let him in. I proceed to go to him and he looks up and smiles. I tell him I thought to introduce him to his daughter and I hand her gently to him. He seems to glow with happiness. His eyes light up even more and he cradles her in his arms. I know then that he is a good man...that all my distrust is misplaced...and that hes gonna be good for the baby and me. I then decide to let him in and allow us to be a family....the dream then ends.
To say I was happy when I woke up is an understatement... I always wanted to be a mother but this wasn't the first time I've had a dream where I had given birth or had a child already....but it was the first time I felt maybe...just maybe it was real. I couldn't let the image of my daughter go or the man who would be her father....but as it is with all dreams it faded after a week....
However it wasn't long after that I dreamnt in Feb 2010 another similar dream....and let me tell you it is rare that I ever dream a dream that is soo similar....theres obvious differences in the dreams but they both have a few things in common....
1) the older, thin, light skinned man whos obsession was gonna cause harm; 2) The younger guy with tan skin, goatee, dark hair/eyes, with a pleasant smile, that I knew, and expected to one day be my future baby daddy...lol; 3) and of course the baby girl in a yellow blanket....
The second dream I can tell you has already came to hold truth. Many of the things that happened in the dream have already happened in real life...its all about understanding where everything is pointing to....Let me first tell you that I have had dreams come true before....its not really what I call some psychic phenomenon or something...I think we all can sometimes see what might be coming...sorta like deja'vu...ya know?....
I'll give you a few examples of dreams I had that came true....
In one dream I dreamt my father telling me he was gonna go away for awhile...I worried and asked what about his wife and my siblings?...but he didnt answer. About a month or so later I found my sisters online and they told me my dad was locked up for awhile for being stupid...lol...
Another dream I had that year...I was walking amongst wreckage (a common theme with dreams concerning my dads' side of the family) and I came across the shell of an airplane...out from under it my sisters' mom appears and hands me a doll in pink...I look at her unsure and give it back telling her its Helens doll. (my sister)....she then retreats back into the plane....About seven months later my sister starts posting that shes been throwing up and doesnt feel good...I was like..'oh goodness that girl is pregnant...'...lol...a month later she calls and sneaks it into the list of things shes been up to...but I already knew and told her as much...my sister calls me witchey and that she said my sister Gabby said I probably already knew....lol....After several more months my sister tells me its a girl....and a few years later she tells me she had originally wanted me to be the nina of her daughter but that I had mentioned once that I wasn't ready for such a responsibility soo she decided not to ask after all....lol. I guess that would explain me handing the doll back?...lol....she seems a little funny about it now cause a year ago I decided to be my uncles' daughters' Godmother...lol. Still it was true then that I wasn't ready to be anyones Nina....
Oh and everytime someone in my immediate family gets pregnant...I tend to know already....a little over a year ago I dreamt my sister pregnant again and I dreamt my dads wife was pregnant....I brushed off the later expecting that I must be mistaking my sister for her mother...but when she called to tell me the good news....lol...she told me that I was expecting a new sibling too...lol. (my father is a damn rabbit I swear...)....The only times the dreams are wrong about a baby birth is usually when I'm the one having one in the dream...:/...I guess its alright tho...:p...next entry dream 2. And maybe a few seperate dreams....plus why I assume they might be pointing towards my crush.....=/ |
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