I finally got a job...well sorta...lol...I start Monday and I'm soo happy. Its been nearly a year since I've last worked. Its an agency job but according to the agency its a permanent type job...soo if they like me...I'll be working for awhile... . I am a bit nervous...I'm soo out of shape but after a week or two I should be fine....I don't, however, look forward to being on my period my first week....but oh well...I'll get over it...lol. The cramps are a bitch the first two days...
I posted on my fb and...I know this is silly but I didn't feel as happy as I do right...until....I noticed Al 'liked' my status...he nerver 'likes' my status'...its that moment of realizing he does read what I write....Its incredibly silly that after telling myself...'I'm gonna ignore him...and move on...'....one of the reasons that made me sure about the new job....but now I'm all 'giddy' because he 'liked' my status...which means nothing....but I still can't help it...its not the best thing knowing he still has that effect on me....=/
Last week I dreamt....he kissed me. Right on the mouth. It was soo real. I could feel the softness of his lips...the grainy/rough...yet soft hairs on his face...For being a kiss on the lips...it was like 'wow'....but we stumbled and he became embarassed...what's weird (all dreams are weird) was that his girlfriend was present...but he was with me and she was somewhat ok with it...but it bothered him more that my grandpa was present...lol...oh well...nice dream...I can still feel his lips on mine...stupid dream...trying to get over him damnit....!..lol.
Last week...I had this moment of panic Monday....I felt like my month was gonna suck and that God (and all who help him...) hated me...lol. It was like a cruel joke....I was in the process of making sure Jesse would never contact me again by 'blocking' him....but instead I had a brain fart...my cousin told me once that...last year...that in order to 'block' someone you needed to check the list on the friend request button...lol..soo we all know where this is going right?....smh....I forgot that a few months back I learned that the 3 lil dots is what you click to find the 'block' button...=/...I ended up friend requesting him...(fuck...)....then my cell froze...unfroze....internet stopped working (I use wifi)...and then froze again...(double shit on a stick!)...within that time (I was panicking...)...he 'accepted' my friend request...and messaged me 'how have you been. I have been wanting to see u.'....lol.(well I don't wanna see you... ...)...he's a dick...
Him and his 'girlfriend' broke up last month....shortly after they became an 'item'...smh...she 'unfriended' him...deleted pics she had with him and her...and he started deleting a lot of his posts....(he did the same thing...after me refusing him...)...he's a bit dramatic for a week and then he stalks his next prey...if he hasn't been talking to anyone already...smh.
Anyway...the reason behind me 'blocking' him....was also because I'm tired of looking back at him...I just wanna forget him...move on...and stop worrying about seeing him again....it just made sense to me now...it felt right but then all that bs happened and I had this moment of wondering if I was changing my path....lol...
I managed to 'unfriend' him, 'block' him, and delete his message. I should of ignored him when he first contacted me with 'interest'....
I felt bad afterwards...and was depressed for a day and a half over it but then it just felt right...and I'm good with my decision.
About an hour after that I lost my landladies info to pay the rent..and had an 'fml' moment..lol..I got depressed again...and was sure God hated me..lol. I got pretty dramtic, mentally...I knew that I was definately gonna be able to 'fix' the problem...but it has been hard to contact the landlady...she's been out of the State...and we don't have a cell number...I plan on scolding her...lol. It would be hard to contact her if she's never home...I have a lot of 'what ifs' to tell her....lol...our house is always falling apart...soo its very important to be able to contact her...
Last month our water heater burned out again....(every year around this time...it burns out...smh)...but since she never has it fixed properly...we decided to get it done ourselves...we didn't even know she was out of town...Due to her last 'attempt' to get the job done for cheap...our water heater is junk...they don't even sell it anymore...it'll break down next year..most likely...we had to have it replace with the same make...or spend lots of money...we don't have....we knew the landlady wouldn't like the idea and we had no desire to be bothered at that time...soo yeah...will just deal with it next year...=/...if we're still here...
I guess I had to feel unhappy for a bit..for something good to happen...I hope the job works out...
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