I've been having the worst time getting sleep....my sleep schedule needs to change but its hard when you share a room and have loud noisey housemates who love waking up during the night....
Monday I'm going to another agency and I'm hoping they give me work and that the car can make the trips until I can get it fixed....I really need a steady income now. Tired of being denied the chance to prove myself...makes me wonder if people are lieing to me when they say I'm a good worker because no one wants to give me a chance....and when they do....they don't call back.
Usually they don't call back because the leads are spanish speaking...and I'm not. I know this is the reason.... I have no problem with that...to be honest it makes me feel bad I never learned from my grandpa. Its just frustrating ya know?
Before the bash fest begins let me say that those people didn't become leads cause they didn't deserve it...I can tell they did. And as far as the areas...well they're mostly spanish speaking areas. I can understand.....it'd be the same if I were to go to a highly chinese populated area....except there I'd have to learn to speak their language.
I have done the whole venturing out of areas like those....but if its not language....its appearance...and let's just say....some aren't enthusiastic about hiring the heavy girl who looks tomboyish. Think I'm wrong?....Years being judge in school for your appearance and you learn to be able to tell when someone is sneering at your looks.
Even when I've already had a job and my lead was asked 'who can you trust to be your assistant lead?'...he pointed at me and I heard the new supervisor say 'HEr?'...and then make a face like my lead was crazy....The whole time the new supervisor was there he would tell all the other girls hi when passing but completely disregard me. I proved his ass wrong tho....even he had to acknoweledge me...he even liked me afterwards.
A lot of people misjudge me....I was always the kid picked last for teams. I usually manage to prove them wrong and gain their respect without even trying...which is weird...but I wish jobs would give me that chance.....first impressions are killing me...and I'm not sure why?
Still wth is wrong with how I look?.....ugh it doesn't matter....I'm going to another agency...My cousin's friends' family owns it. Maybe it'll work out for me...*fingers crossed*
Aside from that....I can't believe I'm such a hater....yeah I'm admitting to being a hater...someone who hates on someone because of jealousy, insecurity, etc....I'm totally that person when it comes to some types of girls....weird thing is...I actually like these people I'm hating on. Not a 'I'd do anything for them' type of like...but the 'they aren't soo bad'...type of like.
Reasons?
They're usually pretty, attractive, and fun....but they use their gifts for EVIL....in my opinion. Lol.
Like manipulating decent guys to do their bidding. Not working and slacking off because they know they can get away with it. Flirting with another girls' knowing affection just cause they're bored. Always complaining how people are mean or jealous when they don't get their way. Sleeping around with attached men...knowing they're attached. <-(That one really pisses me off)
The way these girls see it is that its not their fault because the guy did it or whatever.....to me if you knowingly mess around with someone who's attached then you are just as guilty and low as the guy/girl....
These girls are used to be people saying things are not their fault.....and if someone states otherwise..these girls are preprogramed to believe the person is just jealous....
To bring me to what brought this on....well....lol....this girl who's a friend on facebook posted a picture of herself...kissy face and boobs....and I'm totally hating on her and I hate myself for it...its not her fault that the guy of my affections finds her attractive.....she has never been mean to me...wait scratch that...she has ignored my ass when we worked together knowing I needed her to work...to me that's being mean....but otherwise....she was alright.
Everytime she's in a relationship I rejoice...I'm like 'yes! I hope it works out!'....lol...but it never does and I know why.....she's a flirt and the guys she's probably dating are flirts....and for some reason people like them can flirt but don't like who they're dating to flirt....soo brings the drama...the relationships lasts roughly 3 months....I'm not even kidding. Idk if she unconciously does it on her own...or what...but if I was her real friend...and not just a fb friend who worked with her briefly...I probably would bring it up to her....she's the type to whine the 'whys' without actually coming up with a solution....but I don't say anything cause idk how she would take it.....
She's not a horrible person. She can be really sweet....and blissfully naive....soo I hate myself for hating on her and yes...I have been trying to stop...but then she posts those provocative pics and my crush 'likes' them...and I hate them both...lol....just being honest. I get over it....and understand he's a guy and she's a girl who likes being sexy....a lot of us girls like to be sexy from time to time and she recently broke up with her boyfriend...its possible he cheated and she feels insecure soo getting a bunch of likes from guy friends boosts her self esteem....I know she has insecurities..even tho she's beautiful....no girl who gets work done doesn't...plus I'm sure its not only appearance wise.... |
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I swear I feel like we are the same person. Haha. I am a hater and basically everything in this entry is stuff I would say. I'm definitely a hater....just can't help it...but I feel like its not fair that these bitches get the good looks and to be skinny. When I have a horrible metabolism and am barely even a little attractive. Ugh.
