Really stressful week. *sigh*

04/15/2009

I miss the days where stressfilled weeks were just trying to get out of the house to have fun. Not having anything to do, and trying to convince my parents that I should be allowed to leave and spend the nights at other people's houses.
I miss middle school. So many people are like I wouldn't go back to Middle School if you paid me. If someone paid me to relive middle school, I would gladly take it.
Middle school was my.... not so stressed out phase. Now that I'm almost seventeen, I don't have a job, and I have all these extra things on my plate, being stressed out is more like a ticking time bomb about to go off... with me at least, I don't know about how you other people deal with stress when it comes at you every single fucking day, and it never stops for about a week. I'm not talking about working and trying to meet deadlines, or even just talking about homework. I'm talking about having to juggle finding a job, in a very short limited amount of time, doing your homework, staying every single fucking day after school until five, sometimes six, then having just gotten home at six thirty, have thirty minutes to eat, and get ready to leave at seven to drive for about thirty minutes, to dance for an hour, to then drive back home, and only have an hour and a half to do anything else that I want/need to do.
If that was a little cloudy let me make a schedule for you.
Monday- Wake up at 6:25, get ready and down to the bus stop by 6:55, go to school until 2:40, and then stay until six for a play that just stresses me out even more, because... Well thats another story for another day... Get home at 6:30, eat, get changed, make sure I'm completely ready to leave by 7. Drive for about thirty minutes, and then dance for an hour. Drive home, and then do anything else needed. (this is what happened this past Monday) All that, and then when I got home, my father, my step-mother, and I had a really big talk, that resulted in my dad basically telling me he never wants to come to wedding, or see me happy in the gay lifestyle. I really do think he would rather see me struggle through life as a gay guy, than be happy with myself.

Anyways
Tuesday- Wake up at 6:25, etc etc. school's out at 2:40. Then go to dance club until five, get home at 5:30, eat dinner at seven, and then do whatever. Tuesdays aren't that bad, unless you count the two hours of straight dancing and disrepsect.
Wednesday, same thing as Monday, except no leaving at seven to go halfway across town. Anyways, Wednesdays are the worst. (another day has arisen) Drama club. FUCK MY LIFE. Drama club was fine for the past two years, but this year I wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. Now, I'm in a musical that I personally think is going to turn out to be horrible. Anyways, all I do is sing. Choir parts, and a song that sucks my dick because I have to be a raspy sounding guy, and a girl. Anyways, the singing director person, ignores me, and gives solos to people who A) don't deserve them, B) Can't sing, or C) aren't actually in the performance... LIKE THE GOD DAMNED STAGE MANAGER!!!!! I fucking hate having anything to do with this performance. And I wanted EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE SOLO PARTS THAT HE'S JUST GIVEN AWAY.
Also, he pisses me the fuck off, because I'm in his vocal class, and I'm in vocal club, which meets every wednesday, and I see him EVERY OTHER FUCKING DAY IN CLASS, and when did he EVER tell me that vocal club was also having meetings during the first seventh period of every week??? NOT ONCE. He fucking ignores me, when I ask him questions he doesn't answer them, once I asked him a question, and he said because I said so... WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?!? You're not my mom or dad, you're my fucking teacher, when I ask you a question, you disrespect me and not answer me. I've been attending this goddamned school for almost three years now, I've never once been a behavioral problem student, I've never once been suspended, nor have I ever been threatened with being kicked out for bad grades.
And this teacher who is teaching a fucking vocal class, is going to disrespect me like that. Hell no.
God I'm sorry this is such a long message. It wasn't supposed to be as long as I thought it was going to be.
Anyways, I serioulsy think I'm about to blow my brains out, because deal with all this stress, day after day after day, is not what I signed up for. I didn't sign up to be disrespected by my teachers, nor did I sign up to be ignored and treated like shit.
There is only one person who is involved in at least one of these two things (dance and drama) who hasn't done anything wrong to me. Aj, and I love her for that.
She is like one of the only one of my friends that is in both, and hasn't once made me upset.


God. I want to get really drunk or high right now. I want to fucking go home....
I.... I... I want to be with my rally friends, I want to live with my really close friends, who don't make me feel bad/stupid/dumb/pissed off/sad.
I want to just be with Raena, Kay, and other people who don't read these things, but yeah..
God I feel like such a dumb ass....