What the hell happened to me last night? Why the fuck did I make that decision? Why do I feel so sick to my stomach? What am I to do? Am I to live with this disgust for myself for the rest of my life? I feel so nasty and gross. I don't want to be at home. I don't want to be doing my stupid fucking homework. I need to get away from my home. I need to actually talk to someone. Someone who can tell me why it happened, someone who can actually listen to me and help me feel better... Someone who I really trust with all my heart and won't hurt me if I tell them. Someone who will hold me and tell me its going to be ok even if its not. I need reassurance right now. I need to be shot. That's how gross I feel. I feel like an abomination. I feel like I've committed the worst possible crime and they're going to sentence me to death because that's what I deserve.
I can't even bring myself to say it now.
I don't know how I feel about it. I don't know why I did it. I don't know what to do. I don't know anything other than I don't know.
WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! |
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cody, i know we're not that close, but you have to know you can tell me things. The thing people like about me most is that i always keep my mouth shut, about everything. I'm a good listener, and i've been through a lot. If you need someone to talk to, i am here. it might even be better to talk to me since we're not so close, seeing this blog here...