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hair of flowers,
by yawn of birds

previous entry: johnny law

next entry: right side up

mi corazon esta cansado

05/31/2009

i love deleting people from my friends on facebook. gettin' rid of bitches.

i don't know where i am or what. i am tired and kinda empty, and sometimes i feel okay with him not loving me. sometimes i think, there is more to love then being with someone. and he is healing and getting stronger without me, and that is okay because i love what is best for him. but i want to be what is best for him.

and sometimes i think, why did i call her? why did i go to the hospital? why am i here? i know i want to be alive. but i don't want my life.

sandy was wonderful. it felt good to be gone, and spend time with biz and isaac and marcus. but now i hafta face all the shit i left. oh, the daily phone call from the psychiatrist from the hospital, convincing her i am sane and safe enough to stay out of the mental hospital.

haha.

i rearended someone today. i feel stupid and shitty and excited for the price of my insurance to get jacked up. especially because i hit an itty bitty car, and fucked that shit uuuuup. adios argentina.

dasan and owen and i are going to the beach tonight. fuck you school, i won't study for finals, or make up work i missed while gone last week. fuck you.

things happen in threes. so he doesn't love me, i rearended someone and have no car...what the fuck is next? my heart is so tired.

previous entry: johnny law

next entry: right side up

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daily phone call??

[†ara|0 likes] [|reply]


it's a terrible thing to want to be alive, but to not want your life. i've struggled with that feeling a lot this year. i hate the hospital. but i'm glad you want to be alive.

[valerieeeeeStar|0 likes] [|reply]

I could tell you to just let it go - You won't.
I could tell you it's not the end - That's true.
I could tell you not to Booze and Bake - You'd still go.

I could, and I probably should, because (silly as it sounds) I kind of care for you - This little (not so little) young woman whom I've never met living thousands of miles away.

But, I'm not going to tell you how life works (because, like I know) or what you should and shouldn't do.

I'll say this - If you were gone, I'd miss being able to give you questionable advice, and when you're hurting. I don't feel so good.

[The Venerable Pooh|0 likes] [|reply]

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