simeon's dilemma

all i have been doing lately is leaving nice messages on people's form springs, because maybe it will make someone's day a little bit better.

i go to indiana saturday--home of corn fields and racecars... and now maybe me.

today when you walked into class, i realized that it is april. and a year ago in april, i left. i think i wandered for miles, centuries even. and when i came back you were farther away than any of my wanderings--you were gone.

i wept for hours, days, months, wishing i could make you happy. i wrote to bloop because no one else knew what i was. i used to look at you and think, you are beautiful, you are perfect, you are everything that i don't deserve.but after awhile i began to look at you and think,

oh you're just a mother fucker,

i think, i hated you. i hated that i almost died for your fucking rules, because i didn't fit into your little fucking mold. so now when you break all your own rules, i don't know what to do.

i don't know how many more years it takes to let go of someone who you loved, needed, wanted, hated, but however long i take, i hope you are strong.  i hope you spend less time thinking about us, and more time thinking about you. maybe one day you will realize how WHACK everything was. i hope your daddy is okay, wherever he is. maybe it's because i loved you so much, that i hope you find it--whatever you're looking for.