I'm a fool.

03/30/2012

And I hate myself. I have low self esteem and I don't take criticism well. I don't like being beat on by other people because I feel like I do a good enough job of that myself. My mom always told me that if I didnt have anything nice or constructive to say than keep my fucking trap shut. I guess I feel other people should do the same. If you can't, I'd appreciate it if you stayed off my page.

I also swear like a sailor. I don't mean to but when I'm allowed to speak freely I do.

I don't try to be a whore but I think I might be. I feel really shitty about it.

I'm also a single mom to the most wonderful baby girl in the entire world. I'm still madly in love with her father but he just isn't ready to grow up and we fight about it too much. So he left us. I
'm trying to move on but can't seem to stop getting hurt.

I'm actually trying to not tell my whole life story in this entry but it's just falling out. I apologize.

I think I'm losing my mind. I'm trying so fucking hard to stay strong for my little girl but I'm so overwhelmed and lonely and broken. I have nobody to rely on or talk to. My family are the most unsupportive people I know. Except my uncle- who is letting me live here temporarily but he still lectures me about how I need better friends and I shouldn't've trusted my cousin (well no shit if u knew the situation... hindsight is always 20/20.). I hate being lectured. I'm very intelligent and I know when I fuck up. I know when I'm putting myself in a bad situation and sometimes I'm just not strong enough to stop it.

My emotions run me and that needs to stop. Immediately. Im done crying all the time.

So there it is. My first entry. What a fucking disaster.

I guess when you've hit rock bottom the only place you can go is up. So this should be the worst of them all. Let it get better.

I would say "love, me" but i hate me.

bye.