Poor John

I love my man

Well John managed to tell me a big fib yesterday, but the weird part is I'm not really mad at him about it. Normally I'd be livid that he lied but for some weird reason I actually understand why he did it. See a friend of his IMed him yesterday and told him that he needed a ride to the pharmacy right here in town to pick up his meds because he was sick. Well John went over to pick him up, but when he got there he IMed and told me that his friend really wanted to go to a place about 30 minutes away to pick them up because it was cheaper. He then asked me for the number to my grandmothers house because he "needed gas." I gave him the number and didn't think much more about it, about an hour later he hopped back online at his friends house to tell me that they were back from town but that his friend wanted to show him something on the computer before he headed home. Well while I had him on the computer I asked him if there was any money left of what my grandmother gave him, he told me that she gave him $10 and that he put the whole thing in the gas tank. About another hour later he got online again to tell me that his friend had a bottle of tea flavored vodka that he'd bought a few weeks before that he didn't like the taste of so he was going to give it to John. At first I was wondering why he felt like that was something important to tell me. It wasn't until yet another hour when John stumbled in drunk as a skunk that I figured out what had really happened (mind you his friend lives about a hundred yards away so John wasn't drinking and driving). I still probably would never have known the difference except his friend popped on line talking about how drunk HE was but the bottle of vodka that John had was almost full, so how could they both be drunk with one bottle between them that was only missing a few shots. So I cornered John on the matter and told him that if HE didn't tell me the truth I'd have to call my grandmother and get the real scoop. Then it came out that they didn't go to get meds they went to get booze and that my grandmother actually gave him $20 for gas, $7 of which went in the tank the rest went on alcohol. Now like I said, normally I'd have been steaming mad when I found out he lied. But you have to understand the kind of house he grew up in. In his house he had to lie to be able to have any fun at all, and I'm not talking about going out drinking and things like that I'm talking about being able to play outside or play with his GI Joes...normal things that all kids want to do. His father is the most controlling and cruel person I have ever met, and he would take things away from his kids that his kids loved just because he thought it was hilarious to make them cry. So even though John no longer lives with his father, that fear of retribution is still deeply engraved in his sub-conscious. So instead of losing my lid, I waited until he was sober, sat him down and explained to him how hurt I was with him. I also explained to him that I didn't mind if he wanted to go have fun every once in a while, as long as he ALWAYS told me truth and kept any promises he made. By the time we were done talking he was almost in tears and he wouldn't stop apologizing. Now for anyone who knows John they can tell you, John never cries and the word I'm sorry are barely in his vocabulary. He's a LOT like those hard western cowboys you see on TV who have no emotion what-so-ever and have a stroke trying to show love LOL so when tears show and says he's sorry he means it. To be honest I'm not sure how I ended up falling in love with him, I am a deeply romantic human being and he hasn't got a romantic bone in his body...but somehow for some reason we work out so well together. The only person he shows true, unadulterated emotion and love to is Isabel, but thats as it should be so I can't complain. Anyway right this second he's at his brothers house helping him take out a transmission. I think it's so funny how John's family (including his three younger brothers, John's the eldest) make fun of John and talk about how weak he is and so on. But when it comes to doing something on their own, especially if it has to do with a car then it's 'John we need your help.' They are all pathetic bullies, and poor John lets them get away with it...one of these days one of those boys is going to smart off to John and he's going to punch them in the jaw. They ought to have more respect for him after all hes done for them. Their father went to jail when John was in highschool, his youngest brother was barely out of diapers at the time. So to keep his brothers from going to foster homes he quit school, with only one year left to go before he graduated and spent the next two years working his ass off to support himself and his three brothers. And how do the repay him? By telling him that he's a sad, weak failure and then pointing and laughing at every misfortune that befalls him. Not to mention his father who tells him he's a piece of shit who has never done anything for the family even though John took his place for those boys when they needed him. They all disgust me....but when I first met John he wouldn't stand up for himself no matter what...at least now he's able to look them in the eye and tell them to buzz off. I'm so proud of my John!! Anyway thats enough about him, I guess I'm going to go for now...hopefully me writing all this good stuff about him hasn't jinxed me. Caio and Blessed Be!

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