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May 3rd.
by an adoption story

previous entry: Meeting with the adoptive parents again.

next entry: I may have him Monday.

Meeting with the adoptive parents.

04/24/2010

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The doctor appointment.
I had invited the adoptive parents to the doctor appointment with me, so they could hear the baby's heartbeat.
I stepped off the elevator, and the adoptive father was waiting for me.

I apologized for being late (I had misplaced my keys) and went up to let the secretary know I had arrived.

The nurse came to get me, and said that the adoptive parents could stay for the heartbeat, but then they had to wait in the waiting room when my doctor went to talk to me about my tests and my exam.

I laid down on the table, and apologized for my stomach because of all the strech marks (some people can find the look of stretch marks revolting), and the adoptive mom quickly said that it was okay. Her sister and the adoptive father's sister both got them.

When the nurse put the gel and little listening thing on my stomach, and you could hear his heartbeat, the adoptive mom broke out into a grin, and the adoptive father kind of laughed and then smiled.

I had about the same reaction. When I first heard his heartbeat, I laughed a little bit because it didn't sound like what I thought it would, and then I cried.

A few days afterward, I felt bad for making them drive all the way to Grand Haven just to listen to the baby's heartbeat.
I knew before that the adoptive mother was involved in both her and the adoptive father's sister's pregnancies, so this wasn't new to her at all.
She probably thought it was cool, but just another heartbeat.
Except I would hope that they would think "This is our little baby's heartbeat."

My dad told me that they are probably happy that I invited them, and that I'm striving to make this experience as much of mine, as theirs.

Dinner with the adoptive parents.
After the doctor appointment, I headed out to dinner with the adoptive parents, and we spent a lot of time talking.

I learned a lot about them, and their family.
It was comforting that they both had a really good sense of humor, and can joke around with each other.

I learned that they did have a woman they know come up to them in the past, and tell them that she wanted to give up her baby to them, if they wanted to take it.
They wern't sure because the woman only came to them if she wanted something; like money; and sure enough, she told them that she changed her mind as she got later into her pregnancy and informed them that she was keeping the baby.

She did tell them that she would be a surrogate for them, but in the state of Michigan, the surrogate has all the rights to the baby, even though it wouldn't have her DNA. So, they opted to pass.

The adoptive mom seems to have worries about the adoption.

Since all of us haven't gone through this process before, I think that we all have our worries and doubts.

I think she is worried most about the possibility of me either taking the baby back (which is completely understandable), or me wanting to see the baby and it getting out of hand. (Which I told her that I do not want to see him after the hospital stay.)
She also asked if I would want to hold the baby, and I told her I would.
My family would also want to hold the baby.
I went to see the adoption counselor today, and learned that once I sign the papers in court saying that I am making the adoption legalized, the adoptive parents can cancel everything, and take the baby without giving me any pictures or updates.
This scares the crap out of me. This is my biggest worry.

I would be purely devestated, and I'm not sure on what I would do.
I would be lost and scared and worrying about him for the rest of my life.

And the thing that doesn't help is-I don't trust people what so ever. I never have and I never will.

I'm thinking that during the next visit with the adoptive parents, I'm going to ask them to lay all their worries out on the table.
Then I'm going to lay my worry out on the table.

That way, we all can be on the same page, and none of us will lose any sleep.
Thanks for visiting.

previous entry: Meeting with the adoptive parents again.

next entry: I may have him Monday.

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i think it's definitely a good idea for all of you to get your worries/fears out there.an make sure everyone is on the same page as far as visiting/receiving pictures is concerned

[The Narnian Ninja|0 likes] [|reply]

I'm glad the doctor's appointment and dinner went well. I think it is a great idea to put all your worries out there. Then everyone will know exactly where everyone stands. You are handling all of this billiantly!

[allottavAdina|0 likes] [|reply]

you're doing amazing, you have so much strength and I can just imagine the worry you feel about that. it's so sad that they can cancel everything etc, and that would be incredibly sad for you. I hope you can have the conversation with them and have all your worries out there...hopefully it will calm your nerves a little bit.

[fears.on.fire|0 likes] [|reply]

I think it's wise to be honest about your fears. I'm sure their fears are just as strong as yours are, and they really want this to work out.

As for the heartbeat, I think you may be mistaken. I'd heard other babies' heartbeats before, but when I heard my own son's, well, it's an experience I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. I'm sure it was a bit awkward for them to be in there, so they may have toned down their reactions, but it had to be wonderful for them to hear the baby for the first time.

[ Avonlea@ITW|0 likes] [|reply]

I think you are doing something amazing, but definitely lay everything out on the table. In the long run I think it will make everything easier that you guys can work together on issues and concerns that either party may have.

[*Abby's Mommy*|0 likes] [|reply]

That's a good idea, about laying all your worries out together. I'm glad that everything went well at the appointment & that you had a good time having dinner with them. :]

[♥always, jes.Star|0 likes] [|reply]

Wow this story just sounds so much like mine.

Your worries are normal, these people will be caring for your child, your flesh and blood, and it takes a lot of time to build up a trust like that.

[The Mama Star|0 likes] [|reply]

I think that's the best way to approach it. You know that they have worries and they have GOT to know that you've got some too. I think that airing these will actually make you feel better based on what their worries are. Does that make sense? Like, they'll hear that you'll worry about them not sending pictures and they'll know that you're not having any second thoughts about actually giving up the baby.

I highly doubt it could possibly be a waste of time to hear their new son's heartbeat I'm sure it was worth every minute in the car.

[Hidden Depths|0 likes] [|reply]

Pffft, silly of you to appologize for stretch marks!

I am sure that it was very worth it for them to be there to hear the heartbeat.

That is kinda insane that the surrogate has all the rights to the baby even if it's not her DNA... crazy.

Of course they're worried... I think it's absolutely normal for her to be worried that you'll change your mind. But it sounds like she's got it good. I just think that if I were adopting a baby I'd want it from someone like you... who allows me to experience everything but who still obviously cares about the baby but realizes that there are boundries.

What? They can take your baby without giving you pictures or updates? Then what's the point of the whole semi-open adoption thing? Hmm, it's a little weird. It doesn't sound like they would do that though. I think they understand... just in the same way that the girl that was going to give them a baby didn't, I think they wouldn't do that to you. But I guess you never know.

I think asking them to lay all their worried and you laying yours too sounds like a good idea. These are strangers but they can't really be strangers... I feel like you need to be completly honest with each other and it would probably make both of you feel better about everything!

~

[internationalStar|0 likes] [|reply]

im glad you got to hang out w/ the adoptive parents and go out to dinner..glad everything is so organized..

[.Jess|0 likes] [|reply]

wow you don't trust people but you are giving your baby up for adoption, wow I can't even imagine what this ordeal must be like for you but you must have a lot of courage to do this. I think you are giving your baby a wonderful gift by giving them to this couple.

[Butterflys don't lie|0 likes] [|reply]

previous entry: Meeting with the adoptive parents again.

next entry: I may have him Monday.

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