#4 - My heart to stone

I didn't expect this. I really didn't expect this. Of all the things he's done to me this was by far the most painful.

I feel my heart begin to burst and bleed
So desperately I try to link it with my head
But instead I fall back to my knees
As you tear your way right through me
I forgive you once again
Without me knowing
You've burnt my heart to stone

-- Melt my Heart to Stone, Adele

She text my phone. "Is there something going on between you and (Insert Name Here)"
My heart started to race, my skin felt hot and I found it hard to breath. "Who is this?"
She said, "His GF"
I began to shake. "(Insert Name Here), who?"
I knew what she wrote before I opened the message. I said, "I wasn't aware he had a girlfriend."

-- I HONESTLY was not aware that they were more than friends. I was not prepared for this. I was instantly livid.

I told her to ask him.

He called my phone. At first it sounded like he was alone. He told me that our dinner plans for tomorrow were cancelled because she found out about it. I informed him that she had been texting my phone. That's when I heard her voice. She made him call me to "make it clear" that she was his girlfriend. I mean what the fuck?

How fucking cold hearted do you have to be to actually follow through with that. Fuck that. You are an asshole. Ok, yes, I did know that I inevitably would've gotten hurt but what the fuck ... how the fuck could you hurt me like that. To call me on the phone and confirm with me that I understand that you have a girlfriend. That I mean so little to you that you can't even have the full respect for me to have that conversation with me with out her running her mother fucking mouth in the back ground. OMG! I can't believe this mother fucker ...

I just want to smash my head into the brick so I can have amnesia just so I can escape the pain in my chest.

As I type this, he texts me, "I am sorry you went through that. We will talk about it. I wish I didn't use her phone. I'm sorry."

You know what Big, I wish that you would've done so many things differently. I loved you so much, too much I realize. I did everything you needed me to, everything you wanted to do. I don't understand why you had to hurt me so badly and why you continue to hurt me. I know that I should leave you alone but I just love you too much to walk away completely.

My heart was taken by you... broken by you... and now it is in pieces because of you.