so there is a slight change from what i wrote in "just need to talk" about my husband. he comes home after work this morning (he works mid nights) and tells me something that makes my heart sink. he tells me that he cannot do factory work for the next thirty years. he tells me that the call to do something bigger than he is is still overwhelming. he tells me he needs to figure something out because if he doesn't do this he is going to turn into one of those guys that go to work one day and just snap. i am sitting there, rubbing his back because at this point he is shaking something fierce, and all i can think is "well, there goes that plan". just one more thing to add to the list of depressing things. just a small amount of pressure applied to a situation that is already straining incredibly. i don't know how much more i can bend, how much more resilient i can be. i mean, i'm happy for him that he knows what he wants to do and that the thing he wants to do is so noteworthy, but then again, i have certain prejudices against the military. along with the fact that i am a selfish creature. i don't want to share my husband with anyone else. not even the us government (i'm the only one allowed to screw him).
i know God won't put me through anything or give me anything he knows i can't handle, i just wish sometimes he didn't have so much faith in me. i feel so close to snapping and just going off on so many people it's somewhat scaring me. i just....i don't even know anymore..... |
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