i am about ready to run down the street screaming my pretty little head off. today was my birthday and how did it turn out? stressful like every other day. go figure. had to work tonite too. gotta work tomorrow night. make that night number 9 straight. i am dead tired, so stressed, and about ready to have a mental effing breakdown. i don't know what to do with myself. and if that's not enough i got to hear about the damn army shit again today. put right on the spot in front of the last person i want around when matthew and i discuss this. plop! right in the hotseat. so i did what any self respecting woman would do. i told him, in front of her, that i would think about his new...idea. oh i'm thinking about it alright. and it's driving me insane. bonkers. mad. and whatever other words are appropriate for this moment. i asked him later that next time he comes to me with this shit, make sure we are alone or i will not answer him. i don't appreciate being under scrutiny when dealing with matters of this magnitude. especially when this decision is going to affect me the most. i still don't like the idea, but i won't hold him back only to resent me later on. i will swallow my pride, smile for him, and then just cry myself silently to sleep. there. problem solved. now there is just the issue with the time until he leaves that i wanna cry myself to sleep. im almost able to numb my mind for a few hours at a time to do some meaningless task, but the moment i have nothing to do, BAM. right in the noggin. hmm. guess i gotta find a new way of coping with stuff. any suggestions? |
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