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Release.
by radio.active

previous entry: stupid insecurities.

next entry: because i am a champion & you're gonna hear me roar.

Scary way to start off the week.

08/12/2013

when a girl is quiet quote
scare.


I apologize for the lack of updating but the past couple of weeks have been pretty exhausting. Between working one full time job and one part time job, having a boyfriend, worrying about exercising/eating healthy, I've been mentally and physically drained. My body told me so by fainting this morning I had woken up, taken a shower, and was putting eye shadow on in the mirror when I felt sick to my stomach. I felt like I had to throw up so I held on to the sink to try and let the feeling go away. Next thing I know, I had woken up on the bathroom floor and my head was killing me (I think I hit it when I fell). I had fainted and when I woke up on the floor I was in somewhat of a fog. I got up, but couldn't keep my balance and then my vision became blurry/blacked and I started screaming for my mom because I was scared. I ended up hitting my mirror off the wall and falling in my bed, and started hyperventilating. My mom kept a cool rag on me trying to calm me down and once I stopped hyperventilating she gave me water, a banana, toast and yogurt. Then she started rambling on about how I don't eat enough and it's too much for me working two jobs and that I don't take care of myself.

Anyway, I obviously didn't go into work today. I'm still feeling somewhat out of it, and I'm sure this entry is going to be all over the place. My mom's right, everyone around me is right - I don't eat enough. Actually, I haven't ate dinner in probably about 3 months. When I hit a plateau with weight loss, I tried to cut out dinner and it really helped. So now I just eat breakfast, a few snacks during the day and then lunch. And I also go to the gym for an hour every day. I realize this doesn't sound healthy. But losing weight has to be one of the most emotional things I've ever dealt with. I started at 264 pounds in September 2012 and I am now 140, and I'm almost 5'6". Most people tell me I don't need to lose any more weight and that I'm thin enough, I just need to tone, etc. Anthony tells me I need to stop worrying about the # on the scale and just start toning. But I can't help it. Cardio is addicting, I have to do my 35 minutes of cardio at the gym. And dinner is so hard to eat when I check the scale the next morning and I've gained weight! Ugh. I know this sounds so unhealthy but I can't help it. I know that I'm at a pretty average weight right now, but I'm just not happy when I see the loose skin and that gut in the mirror. I just want it gone.


other things.


I gave the presentation on Tuesday for my job; I think I did okay. My boss didn't come with me so it helped ease the nerves, but I was still so nervous. However, the next day somebody who had attended the presentation called the office and set up an account with us. So I guess it's safe to say I did pretty well if I was able to get a client from it. Have I mentioned that I REALLY need to get paid more? PetSmart has been going well. It's exhausting but I really have missed all of the girls and it's nice seeing them.

School starts in two weeks - I'm only taking two online classes (Statistics & Business) but it's still going to add work to my already hectic life. Oh well. Anthony and I have been doing well, besides a few hiccups this past week. I don't even feel like getting into it, but I was on my period this week so it just made me extra sensitive and he was just irritating me a lot. We did go to the OC Fair on Saturday though and he won me two minions We had a really good time. I wore this new cheetah printed shirt I got that cuts off at the stomach and he's never really seen me dress like that; I could tell he was intrigued lol

Last night he came over and we watched Dexter. Tonight we're going to see 2 Guns so that should be fun; we both love going to the movies with each other because that specific theater was our first date and it's just our "thing". Oh, I took him out to Lucille's (one of his favorite restaurants) on Wednesday night as a surprise and treated him. He was so stoked for Lucille's haha.

I would write more but I'm just starting to feel blah. Sorry for this being all over the place.



- this layout was made by simple layouts.




I took this on Thursday night to remind myself how much progress I've made but I still want to work on it





The two minions Anthony won for me


previous entry: stupid insecurities.

next entry: because i am a champion & you're gonna hear me roar.

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RYC: I talked to 2 girls I know who both had bad experiences there so it wasn't the first time. I plan to complain to other places because she is a horrible man. He just called and I ignored it. I do not even want to speak to him!

[Belle Ivy RoseStar|0 likes] [|reply]

Okay... Skipping meals, not okay. When you skip meals, your body thinks its starving so when you eat again it stores the excess fat.. You need to eat some sort of dinner, even of its just a nature valley granola bar. Eat something with fiber and protein. You look amazing and I really don't think you need to lose anything else. Like everyone else is saying, I think it's time to tone. I've recently started trying to tone my body and its working. What I've done so far looks great. I've also started eating healthier since may (if you can believe that, as much as I talk about food lol) and I've lost almost 10 pounds. Not on purpose, but I am happy about it. I've started snacking on healthy foods like carrots, celery, and cucumber when I want a snack after lunch. My usual breakfast is a yogurt with some grape nuts mixed in. You don't have to eat big, but you should be eating. I downloaded the app, myfirnesspal. That's what I use. You can keep track of your calories for the day on there, that way you don't go over. You can also track your workout which I love as well. Maybe you should try it out and then that way you can eat dinner? I completely understand where you're coming from. When I was in 6 grade I was 4'9" and 125 lbs. I lost 30 pounds before 8 grade. (I went to public school in 8 grade.)

I like statistics, I thought it was so easy. lol I got an A in that class.

I'm glad your presentation went well and yay for going out to dinner!

[*Pixie*|0 likes] [|reply]

Thank you for the tips I do use MyFitnessPal, I've used it for about a month or so. But I always have around 600+ calories left over for the day (counting my cardio calories that I log in). It's just hard because I have this habit of always checking the scale, especially after I eat and I know it's stupid to do so because your weight is constantly fluctuating but it's just this habit that I have. So I don't eat dinner because I know that # will go up. It's pathetic lol. But thank you I'm trying to eat at least a snack instead of nothing at all for dinner. A healthy snack anyway.

I keep hearing horror stories about Statistics but we shall see!

[radio.active|0 likes] [|reply]

OMG Sweetie. Pixie is right. I've plateaued with weight as well and while I want to lose more, I know to be able to do that, my body has to have the energy to burn it off. You gotta eat bb. When you eat right, the weight will come off. Or? It won't. B/c lifting changes the fat into muscle. And muscle weighs more. But it looks better. My friend who's lifts more than some men and is INCREDIBLY feminine and hot, prob weighs more than you and she's gorge. You gotta eat bb. Gotta eat.

Oooo online Stats. I hated that class. Took it 3 times :/

[love♥nikStar|0 likes] [|reply]

I know And I do about 25 minutes of toning at the gym but cardio is sooo addicting and that's what I can't get off of! I know it sounds crazy but I really want to be at 130 and then I'll stop worrying so much.

[radio.active|0 likes] [|reply]

I learned a lil secret from a man I know who is big into this kinda stuff. Eating healthy will never fail you as I'm sure you already know. If you are trying to maintain the weight you are at do not eat more than 1500 calories a day. If you are still trying to lose never eat more than 1000 calories a day and never waste them on liquids. Its been working for me. I've lost 43lbs but I am also excercising.

You look fantastic!

[Mama.To.3.GirlsStar|0 likes] [|reply]

Thank you! I actually don't ever eat more than 1,000 calories a day. I eat about 400-500 calories (averaging with the # I burn at the gym).

Thanks hun

[radio.active|0 likes] [|reply]

If you have Facebook, I recommend "liking" the page From Fat to Fit Chick and joining the page We Are Fit For Life 2. Both are run by an awesome lady named Tanee who has lost 200lbs on her own through diet and exercise only. She knows pretty much the whole science behind losing weight healthily. I often see people go to her for advice when they've hit a plateau, and she usually recommends eating more and it actually works. I've only ever found when I starve myself it causes me to binge, and it turns into a back and forth, vicious cycle. Blah, I'm sorry this is so long. You're a smart girl, you know what you need to do. I'm glad you didn't get seriously hurt from fainting, and I hope it's sort of a wake up call. I just hate to see you destroy your metabolism after you have worked so hard.

You look amazing! You should be proud of yourself.

You and Anthony sound so cute together.

[st☆rlessStar|0 likes] [|reply]

Haha you totally sound like Anthony with the metabolism comment. He's constantly saying I have to boost it and if I don't eat it only slows down my metabolism. I'll check out those pages. I feel like when I eat more I gain weight and I know that's unrealistic. It doesn't help that I weigh myself like 2 times a day either. Haha.

I really gotta change my ways, and yesterday was a wake up call. It's going to be hard but I have to do it for my health.

Thank you

[radio.active|0 likes] [|reply]

oh my gosh. i hope you are okay...you really need to focus on yourself. maybe working the part time job is too much for you right now? please take care of yourself.

you look great in your picture btw!

[fifty shades.|0 likes] [|reply]

I'm okay now, I think it's just a matter of eating more calories and eating more in general. I wish I could stop the part time job but I really need it for my financial situation It's definitely not helping with my body right now but eh..

Thanks Ashley

[radio.active|0 likes] [|reply]

make sure you find some time for yourself

[fifty shades.|0 likes] [|reply]

Ahhhhhhhh! I can't believe you fainted!!!!!!!!!!!! You should've warned me before I came on here

I just wanna come hug you!!!!!

You do look amazing!!!!! And of course you want to get at the point you want to be at, but it will probably be hard.

You have done absolutely amazing, but you really are eating too little. And your body is definitely telling you that.

Anthony is right. You do need to stop worrying about the number. But that's easier said than done.

Do you drink enough water???

You worry me!!!!!! xoxo

[oops i went glam|0 likes] [|reply]

I'm sorry sis. I knew this would worry you like crazy.

I'm okay, and I wasn't drinking a lot of water but I am now.

I don't mean to worry you Miss you <3

[radio.active|0 likes] [|reply]

I am just glad you are okay!!!!!!!! That is scary shit.

Drink at least 8 glasses a day. I know it's hard.....

MISS YOU xoxo

[oops i went glam|0 likes] [|reply]

AWWWW! I know what you MEANNN! I HATE gaining weight so on EVERY school day, I skip breakfeast abd don't eat lunch, I STILL haven't lose weight!!!!
I try, I REALLY try to eat healthy, but my funking mom is ALWAYS buying junk food! Do you know how hard it is NOT to eat like three pieces of a pizza if it's sitting RIGHT THERE!!!!
But, I know I skip meals, but for you, you are working TWO jobs a day, you do need to eat!!! Take more snacks, an apples, some oranges, and you'll be fine!!! Good luck in life!!

[Ihatelife|0 likes] [|reply]

Wow your doing A LOT...Congrats on the client!..Trust me you don't need to lose anymore weight. You look great. I wish I was physically where you are at (weightwise) right now...If you really need to do the cardio...just eat more and try maintaining the weight. The skin thing might not go anywhere...its excess skin and it happens when people have been over weight for awhile and lose a lot fast...I read that the options are tummy tucks or laser skin tightening treatments...but idk....some say it'll get better with time. Toning will help a lot though. Muscle does weigh more than fat tho....you need to ditch the scale and just weigh yourself at a place you can go to. The scale is an addiction...I've had it...lol...when I was losing weight...I'd weigh every moment of the day...and if I woke up weighing the same or a lil more...it was a depressing moment....and being depressed just makes weightloss and progress harder...Let your clothing and the people around you be your indicators of success. . Waay better than a number...is compliments.... Wow you really are a wonder woman. You have soo much you're doing....you need NEED to eat more....The weightloss might still happen...and if it doesn't...you'll maintain.....and you still look great! I'm jealous...

[StruckedbyEro|0 likes] [|reply]

I really hope the toning helps because I've heard a lot about people having to get tummy tucks/laser treatments for the excess skin when they lose so much weight. But I've also heard people tell me if you really work hard at toning you won't have to. Meh.

Thank you for the nice words I'm sure you look amazing though! AND YES I really do need to ditch the scale lol you sound exactly like me. If I wake up and I weigh the same or a little more I get so mad at myself. It's totally unrealistic and stupid! Blah!

[radio.active|0 likes] [|reply]

previous entry: stupid insecurities.

next entry: because i am a champion & you're gonna hear me roar.

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