Scary way to start off the week. | 08/12/2013 |
scare.
I apologize for the lack of updating but the past couple of weeks have been pretty exhausting. Between working one full time job and one part time job, having a boyfriend, worrying about exercising/eating healthy, I've been mentally and physically drained. My body told me so by fainting this morning I had woken up, taken a shower, and was putting eye shadow on in the mirror when I felt sick to my stomach. I felt like I had to throw up so I held on to the sink to try and let the feeling go away. Next thing I know, I had woken up on the bathroom floor and my head was killing me (I think I hit it when I fell). I had fainted and when I woke up on the floor I was in somewhat of a fog. I got up, but couldn't keep my balance and then my vision became blurry/blacked and I started screaming for my mom because I was scared. I ended up hitting my mirror off the wall and falling in my bed, and started hyperventilating. My mom kept a cool rag on me trying to calm me down and once I stopped hyperventilating she gave me water, a banana, toast and yogurt. Then she started rambling on about how I don't eat enough and it's too much for me working two jobs and that I don't take care of myself.
Anyway, I obviously didn't go into work today. I'm still feeling somewhat out of it, and I'm sure this entry is going to be all over the place. My mom's right, everyone around me is right - I don't eat enough. Actually, I haven't ate dinner in probably about 3 months. When I hit a plateau with weight loss, I tried to cut out dinner and it really helped. So now I just eat breakfast, a few snacks during the day and then lunch. And I also go to the gym for an hour every day. I realize this doesn't sound healthy. But losing weight has to be one of the most emotional things I've ever dealt with. I started at 264 pounds in September 2012 and I am now 140, and I'm almost 5'6". Most people tell me I don't need to lose any more weight and that I'm thin enough, I just need to tone, etc. Anthony tells me I need to stop worrying about the # on the scale and just start toning. But I can't help it. Cardio is addicting, I have to do my 35 minutes of cardio at the gym. And dinner is so hard to eat when I check the scale the next morning and I've gained weight! Ugh. I know this sounds so unhealthy but I can't help it. I know that I'm at a pretty average weight right now, but I'm just not happy when I see the loose skin and that gut in the mirror. I just want it gone.
other things.
I gave the presentation on Tuesday for my job; I think I did okay. My boss didn't come with me so it helped ease the nerves, but I was still so nervous. However, the next day somebody who had attended the presentation called the office and set up an account with us. So I guess it's safe to say I did pretty well if I was able to get a client from it. Have I mentioned that I REALLY need to get paid more? PetSmart has been going well. It's exhausting but I really have missed all of the girls and it's nice seeing them.
School starts in two weeks - I'm only taking two online classes (Statistics & Business) but it's still going to add work to my already hectic life. Oh well. Anthony and I have been doing well, besides a few hiccups this past week. I don't even feel like getting into it, but I was on my period this week so it just made me extra sensitive and he was just irritating me a lot. We did go to the OC Fair on Saturday though and he won me two minions We had a really good time. I wore this new cheetah printed shirt I got that cuts off at the stomach and he's never really seen me dress like that; I could tell he was intrigued lol
Last night he came over and we watched Dexter. Tonight we're going to see 2 Guns so that should be fun; we both love going to the movies with each other because that specific theater was our first date and it's just our "thing". Oh, I took him out to Lucille's (one of his favorite restaurants) on Wednesday night as a surprise and treated him. He was so stoked for Lucille's haha.
I would write more but I'm just starting to feel blah. Sorry for this being all over the place.
- this layout was made by simple layouts.
I took this on Thursday night to remind myself how much progress I've made but I still want to work on it
The two minions Anthony won for me
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