We had an affair several years ago. It was a terrible, stupid thing to do, and we have both since come clean to our partners and moved on with our lives. I never regretted the time spent with you, even though I do sincerely regret the hurt we caused everyone around us... And although there were no hard feelings between you and I after the fact, we eventually drifted apart.
Recently, I found out that you passed away, and that the cause of death was said to be suicide. I don't believe that personally (I feel it may have been accidental), but that is how it will be forever etched in history. I didn't know any of your family or friends, so the only story I got was what I read in the paper. I felt like a douchebag going to your wake, but I knew in my heart I would never forgive myself if I didn't. Luckily, I avoided conflict by going late when there was no chance of anyone being there who might recognize me, and I didn't speak to anyone.
The secret is that after having not really thought about you in a few years, you are now ALL I can think about. And I have no one I can talk to about my feelings because most people don't understand. They remember the affair, and change the topic quickly, or just...Don't understand why I should care at all. I don't really understand why I care myself, yet it kills me to see the whole world moving on as if nothing happened when you're gone and seem to have taken a piece of me with you. |
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