I am so irritated right now. I have GOT to keep reminding myself that I don't want to fight with Chris anymore. I have to remind myself that I am capable of just dealing with my feelings...instead of taking them out on him. But at the moment, all I want to do is pout and bitch.
We never seem to have days off together. That has really been bothering me lately. Yeah..we live together. Yeah..sometimes we see a lot of each other. But, we have seriously been lacking quality time together, in my opinion.
To be fair, I'm probably even more emotional about things because of my period and the fact that we haven't been intimate lately because of my damn period.
Anyhow...I was off today, and his dad called last night to tell him that he had a job today. Needless to say, I was disappointed. However, I know that we can't afford for either of us to turn down jobs/hours. He left the house at 9:30 this morning. He told me around 2:00 that he would probably be home by 3:00. He got home at 4:30. Not his fault. But, watching the clock gets old. He was home for two hours. He made dinner, took a shower, got dressed, and left. He had to go to the studio. (Which he happened to tell me the other day...is the only thing he ever looks forward to...ouch.) I called him at 8 b/c I thought I lost Curly (our rat). At that time, he said he'd be home in two hours. Well...2 1/2 hours later, he called me...from the studio...and asked me to read him something out of his lyric journal. I could hear the other guys in the background joking and laughing and talking about facebook. It didn't exactly sound like they were being very productive or working diligently. So he says, "I'll leave here soon." UGH. It's almost 11. Tomorrow is my last day off, and we have Tristen's soccer game. Not to mention the fact that we might end up having the kids over night.
So much for quality time.
Am I just being selfish? I guess I am. He needs to go do his thing. It's just that...
First of all, we share my car. When he's gone all but two hours of the day, I have no way to do anything. It's not like I even have friends to do anything with. FML.
Secondly, wtf am I supposed to do here? Watch one of the movies I've already seen a million times? Sit still and listen to music for 14 hours? Meditate? We don't have TV. I don't have a book I haven't already read multiple times. He took my phone to work today. When he's out running around and doing his thing, I have no life. I have nothing.
I'm tired of being so dependent on him, but wtf am I supposed to do? I came here FOR him. To be WITH him. I have no friends here. I have no family here. I have him. But...he needs his space and time.
Fuck my life.
I've never felt so lonely. |
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