You spin my head right round, right round

I havent wrote in this for awhile... and that reasons are:
1. Ive been so busy with school and trying to get good grades.
and 2. Nothing really has happened to me i thought was worth writing about.
So to start off, my mom and i were talking on the way home from the store tonight and we were talking about my dad mostly. Well first it started i was asking about her dad, seeing as i never met him or saw him. I asked her how he died, curious. Then we got onto my opa (my dads dad) and how he died. Which he died when i was 3 or 4, so i didnt know him either. And we were talking about how i wish he lived long enough that i could have gotten to know him, and make lasting memories with him. Then we got onto the subject of my dad and how i thought he had about 35 -40 years left in him, and my mom bluntly said to me... " i dont think he has that long." i was surprised. Then we got into more detail about it.. these things are why my mom doesnt think he doesnt have more time..
1. He is an alcoholic even though he doesnt admit it.
2. He never goes to the doctors at all!!!
3. He has anger issues, with high blood pressure.
4. He tends to eat unhealthy... least of his problems i think
5. He might have prostate cancer and not even know it.. my mom told me he has the symptoms of maybe having it.
Hearing all this made me want to cry, but of course i cant do that infront of my mom because hes still here and it would be silly to worry about what could happen... instead of what is. BUt i cant help but think if he died... what i would do. I know me and my dad dont always see eye to eye and i think after i hit a certain age he started to hate me in a way. But i would still be completely heart broken if he died. I still love him. So while we are having this coversation i told her she should schedule him an appointment and trick him into going.. like to the doctors. All she said to me was she was done worrying about other people.. because they never worry about her. That seemed to hurt me even more because it was like she was going to just let him die. I know hes old enough to take care of himself... but she should want to try and keep him alive as long as she can... or i would think. Thinking about this just hurts so much... not having him around to walk me down the aisle at my wedding.
I kind of agree with my mom though. One of these days my dad is going to have a heart attack because he gets upset over nothing.. and thats bad for him to increase his heart rate. Im kind of surprise it hasnt happened yet. And the worse part is most of the time hes angry is while hes driving and that could effect not just him but people around him. I know its a bad thing to think about.. but bad shit always happens to me... so i like ot prepare myself even though i still get hurt when it happens... Idk. im just going to have to seee him as much as i can now.. and make sure he knows i love him.

Now on to another subject... one more happier =]
I think im over my ex. Im not quite sure.. but i like someone else. This might be a bad thing though.. we argue all the time, but its more like a flirty argue not like a fighting argue. Im scared to like him though.. because i dont know if i trust myself around him. He makes me feel a certain way, and it scares me a little. I know it sounds stupid but when i think about him, i get a weird feeling in my stomach and ive been dreaming about him for the past weekish.
Its all started....I met him like 3 or 4 years ago and we liked each other.. then we stopped talking because of situations in each of our lives and now he works where i work and my best friend and him use to work together so when i went to visit i would see him too.. and thats how it all happened. BUt i cant tell if all he wants is to get in my pants, or if he wants a relationship. I know its obvious he wants to get in my pants.. he basically told me, but i think i want a relationship with him as well.
Today he wasnt working which disappointed me.. i really wanted to see him. He doesnt work the same nights as my friend anymore which is sad. And i have no way of talking to him unlesss i go visit him, but i dont want to make it obvious i like him, meaning he doesnt know lol. Not yet anyways. Im still debating if i like him or not.. then determine if i want to tell him or not. I just wish he had a cell phone or number to contact him... He doesnt even have a myspace or facebook even. It sucks. No way of contact except work.. and hes working different hours then me so idk.

Oh well. Its late so im going to go to bed.. and just think about everything.
Night <3