That feels much better.

The start of today seemed to be a bit easier. But it was at a total fail towards the end. I hate this. My days are okay, and at night I'm so fucking antsy. I keep having the urge to add him or pick up my mom's phone and call him. And I know the result will be no different than it was a week ago. I'm so fucking tired of feeling this way, it's driving me nuts. My sister and Chuck have been having drama lately. It seems Greta and Chuck were going to break up today. That's not the case. Greta found Chuck fishing around on dating sites. Poking his nose where it wasn't suppose to be. I've been out there all night tonight. I poured my heart out, and it still doesn't do any good. And I'm getting to the phase where I'm so pissed off at him. I'm so pissed that he can't just love me. And I feel so stupid for thinking it was okay to lean on him. It wasn't okay. I'm so mad at him my heart hurts, my face is red. I'm so embarrassed that I still feel this way, and he probably thinks noting of this anymore. I feel nothing but shame that I'm still here waiting, and he probably has long forgotten. I will never forget the way this feels, to feel like you're being ripped in two. I'll remember this forever, and I'll know better next time to open myself up so completely to somebody. To be so exposed and at their mercy. It was stupid to give someone the ability to kill me. And with only a few words. I'll be happy one day, but now it's impossible. It's impossible to forget. And I won't. We didn't even try to fix it. . .it's just all gone now. I should have done something more, I would have. But I just don't know what or how. I just can't let go right now. I'm not strong enough. This anxiety is just crazy. It almost feels like I've lost a piece of my soul. And I just can't get it back.

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