scream my lungs out
well now that i have some time to write i figure its time to update. i was working at a haunted house and now that is done so i am back to one job and school. i will admit that i am going to miss the haunted house. i had so much fun working there.
anyway, on to why i am writing this specific entry. i have been thinking back on everything that has happened and all of the people who used to be in my life. i realize that things have changed however i didn't realize just how much they have changed. there are people who i used to be able to tell everything to, and now those people are not as easy to talk to. they have pushed me aside, not all the way, just enough to find someone else to turn to when they have a problem. i know that they will never trust me like they used to but i feel like they don't want really anything to do with me. i mean its not like they are ignoring me but it seems like i am just a part of the outside rim of their lives.
like i have said, i know things will never be how they used to be. but i just feel like they are more closed up around me. like they are watching what they tell me and what they say around me. i feel that it isn't just a trust issue anymore. i don't know what it is, but i just don't think that things will ever be as good as they once were. i don't think they will ever come close to what they were.
if there was some way to make things go back to how they were i would do it in a heartbeat. i miss how things used to be and how that no matter what i could talk to those people about anything. i miss how close we used to be and how much fun we had. i see how close they are now compared to how close ALL of us were, and it kills me to see how they have each other. i am happy for them, don't get me wrong. i love that they have each other to lean on and that they are not alone. i just wish i could find that friendship and trust again.
to make things even worse, i just found out that my brother more than likely won't be home for christmas. this fact kills every fiber of my being. i have never had a christmas without him and i am going to be a mess if he doesn't come home. he is my hero, my inspiration, and my best friend. with everything that is going on in my life, i need him here. i understand his reasons for not coming home, but it still kills me to even think about him not being here. i really hope that he comes home to see us. otherwise i might be saving my money and going to hawaii.
::End of story::
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