<3. That moment before you workout..

I told myself last night that I would work out today.
I mentioned in my last entry that I wanted to start exercising, and that my ultimate goal is to become a runner.
So, this morning I got my Period and I'm feeling a little tired, but not completely discouraged.
I got up and put on a sports bra, and found my shoes.
I guess its all over now but the crying, as they say, because I have everything I need to work out - but I can't seem to make myself go in there and get on the thing.

I guess some of the things holding me back are:

I am a smoker and I know that it will hurt when I get started. I don't know if you have ever gone running when you smoke (and if you are also heavy) but the first few minutes are cool and then there is searing pain in your lungs. (Don't bother with the negativity. I know I am in a hell of my own making with cigarettes, it is something else I am planning to deal with. Maybe the pain of running as a smoker will help me stop. But no hating please.)

I haven't worked out in a few years. (Ouch, I know.) I used to be an avid enthusiast of exercise, and I would run/walk 3 miles a day. But that has been six or seven years ago - and I feel like I don't even recognize the person I am today, relative to that person.

I have a huge phobia of being walked in on while working out. I swear, I would rather be walked in on in the bathroom than on the treadmill - All huffy, and sweaty and bloated and red and out of breath.. So, that only allows me a certain amount of time on certain days to do it because my boyfriend is at work. He is the LAST person I want to see me like that, even if the end result is something that he likes.

I've got some Daft Punk going, hoping it will help.
I just need the motivation!! Getting started is the hardest part.
Ah, the crazy mind games we play with ourselves.