We moved at the end of July into a house owned by one of my supervisors at St. Joes. Hemen is back in school, only working per diem now since our rent is cheaper. We, in exchange for cheap rent, keep an eye on his aging mother when needed.
I still don't talk to Kristina. My brother does from time to time and the last I heard she was threatening to sue him for 600 dollars.
I sent Justin and Pat and Grandma and Edwin My marriage announcement, and the announcement of Jake's birth. They never responded. I found out recently, after typing my grandmothers name into the search engine, that she had passed away last year. No one had called to tell me. I have made the final decision no to longer include those people in my life. I have tried for 10 years. 10 years is a long time. Too long to invest in people who don't care about you.
I don't like this house. I will be honest. It's not HOME. But I know my journey continues. I know I have roads yet to travel and a future yet unexplored. I am sure there will be more hard times. But I am ready for them. And I am sure there will be more amazing days. And I looking forward to them.
This was forwarded to me MANY years ago in an email:
"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to privide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to stake a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you and unbelieveable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you life time lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson. love the person/people (anyway); and to put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your lif. Its is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
In a way I have lived by this. I can look back in my life and see people from my past, and I know they were there for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime. I know what they brought to my table. I know the experience they gave me. i know what lessons they taught me. I take all of that, learn from it, store it, keep it, remember it, and use it. No matter what the persons roll, they influenced my life in some aspect, be it positive or negative, and helped shaped who I am.
I am not proud of everything I have done. I have made some bad decisions. But all those decisions brought me to where I am today.
I am working in a field I love. I work hard, and do the right thing. Even if that right thing isn't the popular thing.
I am married to my best friend. I love him more then anything in this life. And while we don't always see eye to eye, it keeps the spark burning and we never have a dull moment. I would do anything for him. Even if it was the popular but not neccessarily the right thing.
I have a beautiful son who I absolutly adore. I look at him some times and wonder if our relationship will ever become like mine and Kristina's. I can't begin to describe to you the emotions that accompany that thought. I will always try to do right by him. There is a song by Savage Garden, and one line says, "I believe our parents did the best job they knew how to do" I think they are right. I will do the best I know how. And that will have to be enough.
In my heart, I like to think that is true of Kristina as well.
And so this concludes my story. I thank you all for taking the time to go along on this journey with me. Some parts have been very hard. I have put a lot of thought into my life these last few days. Replaying things over in my mind. I have been meaning to do this for some time, and I'm glad I did. I needed this. It has been theraputic for me. I guess for now I can go back to my mundane exhistance and simply wait for the next part of this ride. I'm so glad to share it with you. Hopefully you'll stick around. I'm sure the best is yet to come!!! |
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