last night was fucked up

07/06/2009

so yesterday i cant remember what stressed me up first. or whether i was just drinking because i wanted to, but i downed quite a bit of whiskey before bed, and when i went to lay down i felt my heart banging against my ribs. and ive had bad experiences like that before
and then i was suddenly filled with fear, and it wouldnt go away. i tried to sleep to take my mind off it but all i could focus on was my own heartbeat and whether it was ok or not. and i stressed and worried myself up about it so bad that i miserably crawled into my mums bed.
my thinking was, if anything bad happens at least im not alone. she didnt think much of it, im just glad she didnt smell it on me.

so this evening despite the stress of the pikey's meeting, and my dad and his bitch being jerkoffs and the general never going away ness of having alcohol in my room and wanting to down it. i havent had much cos my heart is the scariest thing out there.
im going to bed now