Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

You think you need other people to like you because you do not like yourself, and you think you are a fraud?

Oh. Everyone has that going on in their heads.

I do too.

Hello!

http://www.friggasweb.org/renewal.html
You can help others for the exact reason why you can't help yourself. Distance. It's like trying to smell your own smell. You're so used to it, you can't perceive it.
It is both easier and harder to see through your own masks. From the inside, when you can see the seams and cheats, it's easy to wonder why everyone can't see through it, why nobody can hear you scream. But when you're lying to yourself, you're the one person who CAN'T see through it, when everyone else is calling you on it... well, of course... it isn't them it was built for.
You're born alone, you live alone and you die alone. Not only are you the only person you HAVE to please, you're the only person you CAN. You are the only person who you can depend on, and you are the only constant in your own life.
Last comment. Think on this: "Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." -- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Flowers... @};-

RYC: Part of the reason I sent you the link again, is because it answers your question of why. Why do you have to pay for the sins of the father, why does Cam have to pay for things you should have fixed, why is it you that's responsible for making up for things that were done TO YOU. There's a certain peace in knowing why, so you can stop wasting time asking the question and actually do something about it.
Flowers... @;}-

Do you ever find that when someone is getting to know you, that it comes off in layers, like peeling an onion, so to speak? They know a certain part of you, then as time progresses, they get to know more and more until they know the whole you... but in my case, I don't know who has ever made it all the way through to the core and who has peeled away all of the layers... Even the guy I was with for 8 years doesn't know me as well as he thinks that he does. My mom seems to think that it is that we 'save' a piece of ourselves that nobody else knows so that even if the other person leaves us, we can still feel like there was that piece of us left that they didn't know and therefore didn't hurt. Does that make sense to you?

Then sometimes it's also hard when you know that the person doesn't know the real you - or all there is to you - but then they reject you anyway based on what they know and you want to say "but you don't really know me"...only they've already walked away because they don't like what part of you they have seen at that point, and you know that if they just stuck around for a bit longer and saw more then they'd really like you more.

I know who I am, but I do not feel like facing that person most of the time - or actually doing anything to change who that person is. I have accepted her. I have accepted who I am for the most part, and that I am a very unique individual. There are many sides, many faces, to me - and it's hard to let someone see all of those faces.

I know what you mean about feeling like a fraud though but it's not because you don't know who you are or don't like who you are. It's because we tend to cover up the parts of ourselves that are most painful to see with a mask in a way.

I'm rambling and not making much sense, am I? lol.

~*Jodi*~

Happy Birthday!

~*Jodi*~