So, I'm a class A idiot. I was talking to my ex...about the past. We had a good heart to heart. He admitted to the abuse, him controlling me...and in the end, even to the rape. It was like we had a breakthrough. I even started to miss him, and he was talking about moving up here to hang out with me, since I'm usually alone.
Today...I got hurt again. He started with the thinly veiled insults. First, he compared me to the dog. Then he threw his bastard child in my face. After that, because I showed my intelligence...he got even worse. I hate myself for letting him get close enough to hurt me. My friend Ami said that yes, I should know better, but that the reason people don't see these things about him, is they don't know that bipolars tend to have a dark side to their personality...a side no one sees. It just sucks. She says, "Fuck that. Fuck him."
I just hate that I got hurt again, and it's my own fault. I should know better, of all people.
I went to the doctor. She increased my metformin, so that my fertility will increase. However, she did not give me anything for the migraines. She wants me to do a headache journal for four weeks. If it doesn't really help, she's going to put me on a beta blocker. The reason being, is the pill for the migraines is a Class C narcotic...in other words, a gray area for pregnancy. With me trying to get pregnant, it's a bad idea. She's leaving me on the anti-nausea meds though, and gave me Vicodan for my periods.
We also found a spot that she took a culture of. In case it's something STDish, she's put me on a 5 day regime of taking a pill 5 times a day. This is to see if it helps. She's concerned it might be herpes. God, I'll kill the bastard.
What else? Oh, I'm thinking of perming the hair. | |
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yes. you should know better. Hacker is an asshole; he's always been. He's not going to change. Why are you still talking to him anyway??? I know you want a baby, though like me, you have to get things sorted out first. Don't let Hacker get to you. If you need to talk to him, make it be about the divorce, doctor, whatever. He only says those things because he knows that he can and knows that he gets to you. You are soooo lucky to have your 'topher. 
Hang in there. You just tell Hacker that he can suck his big fat toe.
