Where do I start? Between my ex refusing to sign the papers, and one of my best friends acting like she's better than me...
We'll start with the ex. I did all the work...all he had to do was sign the stupid thing. How hard is it to sign and notarize something? Obviously too hard, because he came back saying I falsified the documents, and that if he signed it wouldn't be legal in Kentucky. WTF?!?!?!?!?! If it's approved in one state, it's legal in all! It's not hard, and it's no sweat off his back to just sign the stupid papers. He knows that I'm on a timetable. I need it official by September, because that's when we plan on Chris going into the airforce. We don't want to chance him getting in trouble for being with someone still married however unwillingly. I think he just wants to make me cry...
And Sheena...oh sweet Sheena. We used to be so close. She was my first best friend, and I'm the godmother to her daughter. It sounds good, right? Wrong. She's always looking down on me. She has never come to anything important to me, but I have always tried going to what's important to her. I was there at her first wedding. I've tried to be there for her.
I feel like I'm not important. I'm dirt compared to her. I never make the right decisions, I make things worse than they are, I refuse to take the options righ there...whatever reason she comes up with. It hurts. It's never as simple as she tries to make it.
I love my mom, but it doesn't mean that I am going to go to her with my every problem. I'm afraid of disappointing her. I moved in with her when I was 14...she's not my blood mother, she's not even my adopted mother. She is my foster mother. How can I go to her and tell her what a failure I am? She's not required to love me regardless of my faults.
I lost my daughter, but I'm still every bit a mother as she is. I raised my siblings for a time, I've been around kids, taken care of kids...day in and day out. At least I know that you don't let a toddler choose her own bedtime....days later! But she treats me as less than her because my daughter isn't with me. Well, it's not my fault God decided it was time to take her!
I'm starting to think I am just too different. |
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RYC: yeah he told me last night that he meant it kinda freaked me out though. I just read your entry, and i hate people like your friend, of course your not unimportant you are just as important as any other human in this planet, and she is not a very good friend to make you feel bad about yourself. And im really sorry to hear that you lost your daughter, im really sorry. I hope everything works out for you x
ryc; i don't know... if she has, it's been going on for over a year! she just seems to have changed. and yep, that does indeed happen, and it's a shame, but such is life i suppose. x
ryc: okay so i will posting it tonight i believe.