So, I went to the doctor. I tested negative for all Hepatitis...THANK GOD!! I don't know what I would have done if I tested positive. Although, we did find out apparently my immunization for Hep B didn't take. *eye roll*
Along with the normal pap tests, she's running different STD tests. She says it's not that she doesn't trust my current relationship, it's that she doesn't trust my past one. Well, who does? At least that's over. She's giving me Provera, so we'll see what happens there.
I got my own digital camera!! I am finally and officially in the now!! Really nice camera. Apparently, it's a new one on the market. Go me.
I tried talking to his mama today. She means well, but I feel like she tells everyone my business. She told one of her old customers yesterday that I was still married!! When I talked to her today, she said that she tried to hint at it, but that the woman wasn't getting it. I TRIED explaining that it embarrasses me, shames me, and makes me look bad. She didn't understand...she just thinks it makes Chris look bad. *facepalm* It's a little aggravating, but I know she means well.
I sometimes feel that I will never be able to close the door on my past. I feel like it's attempting to swallow me whole. It's like...I'll never be good enough, and I definitely don't deserve Chris. He's so good to me...but I'm scared. What happens when he decides to look at me, I mean, really look at me, and wonders what the hell he was thinking? Where will I be then? Getting another divorce? Or, just surviving?? In a way, I guess I'm second guessing this marriage...whenever that is. I mean, sometimes I feel like we're already the old married couple...without kids. If I can even have any. I don't know...I guess I'm rambling.
I guess I better go.
Until next time,
♥Nighty♥ |
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you do deserve 'topher. I am glad that the doctor visit went down decently. Chris and I are like an old married couple, but i think that just means that we are comfortable with eachother. Does 'topher know your doubts and whatnot? Your fears? Why don't you go and talk with him about it. It will be all right.
