sooo i havent written in a while.
summer has been fun. up until a couple days ago.
ive been screwed over by yet another guy.
just to update about Jason. im completely over him. not the situation, but him.
when cam was driving me home from school the last day i texted jason and said something nice like "hey i know i havent talked to you in a while but i heard that you said i was too promiscuous or whatever and i just wanted to know if that was true. im not mad it was just kind of bothering me"
and he never responded. so im over it. you cant force stuff like that lol
SO kevin has been texting me every night for a few months being like "oh blah blah youre worth it youre perfect GUhh" corny shit that i was smart enough to not fall for. i just thought he wanted to hook up
anyway so we hung out a lot when i got home and he kept telling me he wanted to hang out a lot because im the coolest girl he knows or some shit.
ive known him for 2 years and we used to hook up when i was a virgin.
ANywayy so the other night.. we finally had sex. and it was really good.
when i left.. amanda looked at me and goes "did you know kevin has a girlfriend?"
UM WHAT?????
so i texted him immediately. i wasnt even home yet. and i go "do you have a girlfriend"
no answer
"im not going to bitch you out. i would just like to know"
"know what"
"i asked if you had a girlfriend a half hour ago"
no response.
the next morning he says "lauren do you hate me"
and we had a really long conversation. and i cried a lot. thank god it was via text
he said something about how he thought i just wanted to hook up and he was "trying to hold his feelings back" for me.
i cant tell if he was just bullshitting me.
he said something like "im sorry i always fuck things up. ill stay away from you if you want"
and i said ... i dont want that unless you dont want to see me!
"i dont want that at all"
UGHHHHHHHHHHH now he has been acting really weird the last few days. i asked to hangout but he really doenst respond in satisfying ways :|
i need to move on. i think. i cant.
so now i will discuss how im a failure at life.
im currently suspended from school for a semester/year. after a semester i can reapply for readmission.
i have a phone meeting with the dean tomorrow to discuss how i never had a warning and was never put on academic probation.
i should have seen this coming.
i dont take school seriously.
i wasnt mature enough to go to college this year.
i should have taken a year off in the first place.
im going to try to think of this as a good thing. not...GOOD but...a giant reality check sort of.
i think if i take a little time and work a lot and save some money, i can go back to school and be serious about it.
i wasted my parents' 40grand.
i plan on paying them back eventually
this sucks.
my parents are livid. as they should be...
marley just called me and said her and laura are coming over and they have a surprise.
i hope its a pack of cigarettes!!!
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