I don't know what to do anymore. Melissa and I decided to take a break from TTC. But the thought of that just makes me want to cry. I keep thinking, "what if the month we don't inseminate is OUR month!? What if that's the one month we would have actually gotten pregnant??" I don't think I can handle that. I want to continue trying. But she thinks it would be best for me to take a break. And I just don't know how to talk to her about it.
It doesn't help that our old roomate [who used to be head over heels for melissa and wouldn't find anyone else until we moved far away.] Is now married to a woman and they have decided to start TTC. I know this may sound mean, but I KNOW this woman. She is not good with kids!! I've seen her with Melissa's neice and nephew. And if she gets pregnant before I do, I would be very upset. And probably drop all contact with her. I wouldn't be able to stand watching her throughout her pregnancy knowing that it should be me!!
I'm just really depressed right now. And don't really have anyone to talk to about it. Melissa always kind of shuts down when I start talking about inseminations and all the TTC stuff. I don't know why!
I just wish God would send me sign. Let me know if I should take a break or continue. I kind of agree that a break would be good for me. TTC is driving me nuts. It's all I think about anymore. I'm always calculating, thinking, planning. As we are doing inseminations I'm already planning how the next one should go.
I'm longing for an answer from God. What should I do? |
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sometimes a month break or so does help people calm down... maybe you did need a little relax time? *hugs* i hope that other woman doesn't get pregnant.. i hate seeing people who shouldn' tbe parents become parents 
