I'm so stupid.

Honestly, I really am stupid. So because Dan and I broke up, I texted one of my exes. (Always a stupid move, I know.) He said he still had feelings for me and such and wanted to work on making me his again. I was hesitant as I know how much of an ass he has been in the past. But we texted pretty much all that day and night. The next day, he asked me if I'd be willing to have phone sex with him. I told him no, and gave him plenty of reasons. We talked for a bit after that, and then he had to go to work. I haven't heard from him since. Go freakin figure. I should of known that all he wanted was something sexual, I really should of. But I guess I just wanted that feeling of being wanted and needed again. I wanted someone to love me again so badly that I let myself trust him. It was so stupid of me. But, at least I didn't actually do anything with him....so that's something I guess.

I went with my best friend to pick out her wedding gown on Saturday. It was such a day of mixed emotions. I obviously am very excited for her, but I was also heartbroken because I was supposed to be picking out mine too. In fact, we were originally going to do it together. It made my heart break in so many ways. Though like I said, I really am happy for her. I am so glad she has finally found a good guy. So it really was a day of many mixed emotions. She looks beautiful in her gown though!

I feel bipolar lately. It's like one minute I am ok, the next I am depressed, the next I am anxious, the next I am happy, the next I am mad. It is absolutely driving me crazy. I think it's probably actually kind of normal in this sort of situation. I mean, who wouldn't be going nuts? My PNP also diagnosed me with adjustment disorder, to which I have to say that I think anyone would have a hard time dealing with something like this. It's a lot of hard adjustments to make, who wouldn't be having a hard time with them?

Wow, I am so tired. I am up so early because I just couldn't sleep. Now that I have written this and gotten some of my thoughts and emotions out, maybe I can sleep. Guess I'll go try it.