 Not ok.
My title pretty much sums it all up. I am not ok. At all. Dan has been gone all weekend and it's been like a wakeup call for me. I'm learning what my life is going to be like as soon as I move out of here. And I don't like it. Not one bit. I absolutely hate being alone. It makes me lonely and depressed. I kept thinking about all the pills I have on my dresser. I know I could never do it, but I still couldn't help but think about it.
Nothing is working out. At all. I have absolutely no money and nowhere to go. I'm trying to get some kind of assistance, but so much of it is already taken up with winter approaching and all. Everywhere's funds are low. I have a great caseworker who is trying really hard, but even she is getting lost on what to do next. And she is a short term caseworker so I lose her in a week or so anyways. Then I'll be all on my own to figure this shit out.
I just don't want to deal with this anymore. I want to die. I won't do it to myself, but I want it to happen anyways. Like naturally or whatever. This is all just too much, I can't handle it anymore. My whole life is in shambles, and it's really affecting both my physical and mental health. I just don't even know what to do. I feel like I am at such a loss, such a dead end. I don't have any hope anymore, I can't see that things can/will get better. I just don't see it. I am absolutely going crazy. I can barely function. I don't find enjoyment in anything anymore.
What am I supposed to do?
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