I sometimes feel like this too (and I think I've written about it a few times here on Bloop.) But I also know that I do not belong to myself, but I belong to God and have no right to take my own life. It appears you have a similar point of view.
However,
I am able to use this depressive feeling (of not caring if I live or die) as power. There's power in not fearing to die. I added this power to the desire to serve (or to build something to serve), and now I barely have time to be depressed. As a result,
I feel this depressive feeling a lot less often.
Other focuses that help me is thinking of and talking to God often throughout the day (or at least as often as I can remember). He really does want to help you, if you let Him.
Another
focus that helps is focusing on doing things to solve my problems in the immediate short term as well as long term. I sit down and write things down. (I also enter them in the computer to keep a record.)
Another focus (which actually is
a habit) that helps a lot in getting the body and mind to release the natural endorphins (or natural high) is exercise and eating right. It also gets my mind to function better to solve my problems.
Reading 2 of your previous entries, I also
want to say that it really is an illusion to think that you can't live without someone. Think about. When you came into this world, you did not have that person. You survived all those years without that person. It doesn't make sense to think, if
you really think about it.
It makes more sense to think you can't live without God. He knows your mind like no one else can.
I am sorry if I am not comforting (as I don't know how to be comforting). I am more a solutions type
of person. Hope this helps. (It will if you let it.)
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