I've had a lot of time to think these last few days. I haven't actually worked since Saturday afternoon. I was scheduled off sunday and monday. I was supposed to work today but my mom is sick and I didn't have a sitter so I swapped so I'd be off today but work Sunday. I'm also off tomorrow because I'm always off Wednesdays. So I've had time to relax, clean and spend time with my son which has been amazing. He's rotten and doesn't listen to a word I say but he's a good distraction and loves hugs and kisses. At the moment he has a black eye. I get these crazy stares like what did you do to your kid?? I didn't do anything to the poor guy. I got a call yesterday from the school saying I needed to get there cause my kid had cracked his head. I freaked out thinking brains and blood all over the floor. I get there and its no where near what I was thinking. He tripped and hit his eye on the corner to the doorway into the boys bathroom. The walls are made of ceramic tile. Its not a soft landing. He hit in his eye brow, his eye lid swelled up and he got a black eye. That's a first for my little man. He looks pitiful but he's tough and acting like nothing happened.
I'm personally having issues being alone. I'm scared. I posted on facebook I was afraid to let myself figure out what I'm afraid of cause I'm afraid I'll find out its everything. Partly is it. I'm very afraid of being alone, of never meeting someone who wants to be with me. Everyone says having someone doesn't validate who you are, and that's true but there are people who function better in a relationship then they do out of one. So that's pretty much what I'm going through. I'm scared of being alone and of not having someone. I'm afraid I'll never meet a guy who understands me enough to put up with me. I'm afraid if I don't take care of everything, make sure the person I'm with is completely happy and do everything I can to keep that person then I'm not worth having around. Which is totally stupid but its hard not to feel like that sometimes.
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