!over the last 8 months

And it pulses through, the desire to change
The desire to deconstruct all of my past failings
But where to begin because when you live in sin
It's hard to look at saints without them
Reflecting your jet black auras back on you
And all I have is hope, my inner burn's not fading
I'll wipe the blood from my cheek and get on with my day

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over the last 8 months, i have learned to love myself. if i didn't, how could i trust myself to love him? over the last 8 months, i have learned more than i had in 4 years. don't get me wrong, mine and my ex fiance's good memories were great. and i know i will always hold them close. but that is in the past. and now my focus is on mine and patrick's relationship. we love each other. we have it strong.


My cats are driving my nuts. my landlord, too. so is this apartement. so drafty. im afraid to open my gas bill. im starting to believe they call windows "windows" because they let the wind blow right through them. at least mine do. The people on the 2nd floor bailed. probably because they knew the cops were looking for them. then they must have come back because two days ago the cops came because the 2nd floor door was broken into. lets just say we found out where that foul smell was coming from ^_^ how do people have the nerve to up and leave with 2 sinks and a bath tub still running and food still sitting on the stove, molding? drug dealers or not, it isn't nice.


i'm a little peeved that it snowed again. everything was just starting to melt again, even the ice. and just when i thought it was going to be easier to walk to work ...


good news is that both patrick and i aren't working today. (even though i can hear him snoring out in the livingroom) ... it feels good to keep him close. It is a lot to take on ... being someone's support system and whatnot. especially when i gotta work all the time just to be able to pay rent and get food in this place. before anyone judges, let me lay it down ... patrick is a recovering heroin addict. his medicaid hasn't gone through yet so the soonest he can see a doctor to get on the suboxone program is feb 2nd. so we are kinda taking things one day at a time until then.