Time: 3:08am
State of Being: in a really good mood, even though insomnia is putting up a good battle at the moment.
Song lyric in my head:I'll be there for you in your darkest hour.. weird how i didn't even realize that was in my head until now. I always have a song in my head and sing it in the background of my thoughts.
current desire: I wish to hug my best friend. I wish to quit wal-mart and have a full time teaching position. I feel kind of bad for wishing this. I wanted a teaching position for so long, and I finally have a great one even thought it's part time. I should be feeling thankful, and I AM. I feel bad for wanting more. I'm SO SO SO excited to be a teacher right now. But I can't help but want it full time... i'm babbling. I'll probably get to this in the real entry area.
where am I?: in the living room on the couch
what's that noise?: I think I vaguely hear Russ snoring in the bedroom, but the AC just kicked on.
So hello there.
It's 3:15am. Why am I awake? I should be enjoying the deepest depth of slumber right now. I am OFF tomorrow. woo-hoo! and the more sleep I get, the greater life is. Or at least my perception of life will deem it to be. I find my perspection of life changes with the amount of sleep I had in the previous night and/or the current week. lol.
BUT it is a night I could also stay up late and not feel guilty about it in the morning. Because I really don't HAVE to get up in the morning. I can sleep all day if I want..
BUT.. if I sleep in most of the day (noonish), my only day off during the week would be half over by the time it started.
wow. I just considered most of the day, noonish. wow. You ever have one of those moments where your thoughts are starting to mirror your age. Yet you are in such denial that you still vow you will always stay carefree and living on the edge at all times. Three hours sleep was normal when i was a teenager. I'd go to bed a little before three every night and wake up at 5:15 every morning for school. wow. that was actually two hours sleep. And that was every night.
I never have slept much. I enjoy staying up late. It's what I've always done. But now that I have to be up earlier, and having longer work days, staying up late is pretty detrimental.
Maybe that's why I'm so dependent on caffeine.
Hmm.
So today is friday. Well technically yesterday.
In Middle School Science, I gave my kids a quiz like I do every Tuesday. So I've been told to make my quizzes more challenging, because the kids are getting really good grades. Okay. So I made up a quiz with vocab definitions without a word bank, and three 'answer in compete sentences' questions. I really thought they all had this in the bag, but unfortunately, the highest grade was a 79 and the lowest was a 50. I felt really bad, but at the same time, sometimes they have to learn that it's okay to not do so great on a quiz so you can learn to study harder next time. I usually try to give them 5 minutes before class to reread their books to freshen their brain, but three of them declined and went in with full confidence. So in essence, they did it to themselves. I feel bad for one of my kids who said his XBOX might get taken away. And the girl with the crazy mom. My heart sank for her.
In high school science, we finished watching the video on the sun we watched yesterday and I went over the different layers of the sun. My whole week got pushed back, because we went on a field trip Wednesday. ooh more on that later... I usually do quizzes every friday for them too, but because I didn't start my video until Thursday instead of Wednesday, the kids will have no time to soak up the info. especially when there was a missing day. Teaching science is fun, because it involves tapping into my inner actress. I knew i'd use that Theatre Degree to teach one day. lol. I'm up there going off about convection zones and radiative zones. At first, I had no idea what I was talking about, but learned it all in about 10 seconds. So went up there and as enthusiastically as I could, drew a diagram of the sun, with solar flares heading towards Earth to mess with its magnetic fields. Y'Know, I've always wanted to see the northern lights..
In social skills, i sat them in a circle on the ground to talk about feelings. lol. Some of the kids have Asbergers or some form of Autism so recognizing feelings and putting words to feelings doesn't work the same as everyone else. So I thought it would be great to see how others respond to things. Like "How would you feel if you had to give a presentation in front of the whole school?" or "How would you feel if your mom have you the best birthday present ever?" or "How would you feel if you were home alone at night and you heard noises like scratching at the window?" And each kid would go around the circle saying one word on how they feel. It worked.. in general.. It was the last class of the day on a friday. Teenagers. lol
I went home after school for about an hour before I had to be at wal-mart at 5. Work was work today. i was in a good mood and kind of hyper. It was Friday. lol! I'm off tomorrow! Although work did get to me. Stupid pharmacy. The work itself, I don't mind. But it's the customers. It's my coworkers. It's management bs. It's retail. I'm just done. I can't do it any more. I've been at the pharmacy since february of 09. I've been in retail since I was 16. I just can't do it any more. It's sucking my soul. I just get so angry at wal-mart. Every little thing just drives me crazy. I don't want to be an angry person. I hate anger. I think it's a pointless emotion, and because of wal-mart, it is invading my brain. Don't get me wrong, I will continuously be thankful that I have a job. Walmart has its goodpoints that one day I will REALLY miss, but I think it's time to move on. I really want a full time teaching position. I'm part time for now. I think it's meant to be though, because this is my second year of teaching and my first real year inside a classroom setting. So being part-time isn't the worse thing in the world right now. I can dunk my feet in instead of diving in with little to no swimming lessons.
So everything happens for a reason. I'm still part time for a reason. And i know one day I will quit walmart, and I will be a full time teacher. I'm just getting more and more impatient. And unfortunately. that impatience is overpowering my thankfulness.
So what else to babble on about?
Oh! the field trip to the garden. A parent who sometimes works at the school has this garden of Native Florida plants. She does tours too for the Native Florida Plant Society. So we went to her house. Never went inside, though. But I found my new favorite plant. It's called Sunshine Mimosa. They are so pretty. Like little purple koosh balls with sparkly ends. I love him. So after the tour, I went to the plant expert guy and thanked him for all his great information. (I was really excited about my Sunshine Mimosas). He told me that I should come by his garden. (he has this park/garden). But I should bring my parents... He confused me with being a student. I didn't know what to say so just smiled, said "ok" and walked away.
He thought I was a high school student..
I don't know whether to be flattered or offended. lol I'm 30!
So anyway..
what else.
Meghan.
Meghan and her boyfriend are having major issues. (i swear we're not in high school). So she and the kiddo went to stay with her mom for the weekend so they can have a little time apart. I talked to her for about 2 hours today on the phone psychoanalyzing the entire situation. She endured my blunt-ness as always. Because she knows I mean everything out of love.
I miss her. She's so far away.
So it's 4:02, and I'm still not really tired. I might try and take a shower. I still have half a lap-top battery so I might troll around on the net for bit.
peace!
-mel-
4:04pm
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