Time:6:58pm
State of Being: tired. not to horrible at the moment. lol
Song lyric in my head: listen to your heart
current desire: i dunno.. no stress again. ever. lol
where am I?: in the bedroom on the bed
what's that noise?: russ playing video games. some kind of transformers game..
so I thought I'd bloop when I wasn't being crazy and dramatic. Anxiety effing sucks. no lie. Part of me always sees things from an outside perspective. I truly really do love life. I'm a hippie. I believe in peace, love, all kinds of happy goodness. I'm generally a happy person. I just get way too stressed. And it's been like that for years. And with every new life challenge, it just gets worse. Russ pointed out to me that I spent a majority of last year stressed too. And I don't remember much. I know I worked A LOT! between school and wal-mart, it was well over 40 hours a week, not to mention all the stuff I did at home for school like making tests and quizzes.
Schoo
This year I just have school. (this year meaning this school year. It's time in teacher world. lol) School starts at 8:00am. Teachers have to be there by 7:45 to open their doors for their kids. I'm usually there between 7:15 and 7:30. I try to get there early to make my copies for the day. Worksheets and what-have-you. I'd rather not wait in line for the copy machine.
My kids trickle in from 7:45 to well past 8:00. I only have 4 kids now. lol. I went from 15 to 4. 4 VERY hyper kids with behavioral issues and learning disabilities.
8:00-8:48 is Reading. They have their SRA books where they write letters and words.
8:51-9:39 is their specials (Art, PE, Spanish) which switches off every day. That's my planning time where I do whatever other copies I decided to make for that day, lesson plans, grading, enjoying quiet without the kids...
9:42-10:30 is Math.
10:33-11:03 is Lunch. I bring the kids outside to eat and play on the playground, and then escape back into my classroom to finish whatever planning I need, make copies of whatever, screw around on my phone, enjoy more quiet. I don't eat lunch. Never really had an appetite.
THEN the second half of the day. It's the longest, and craziest where I have them in my classroom for three hours.
11:06-11:54 is Language Arts.
11:57-12:45 is Intervention where they bring us the IPADS, and the kids go on either Lexia Reading or Ascend Math to help them with their reading or math skills. I and the rest of the directors can see their progress on our master websites.
12:47-1:35 is Social Studies
1:38-2:20 is Science.
Then I take the kids who are not in aftercare to the pick up area and wait for their parents.
Teachers stay at school till roughly 4. I try to stay till then. Because we have one car, Russ picks me up most of the time if I don't drive myself. Sometimes he'll come and hang out in my classroom while I finish cleaning and doing paperwork. He'll listen to me rant about the day lol.
And that's my day. Every day. I'm so tired by the end of the day. The kids really are so exhausting, and I have to constantly keep them entertained and stimulated. And then there's AJ who is just so angry all the time. I can't get a lesson done without him yelling something or refusing to do something or knocking papers on the floor or something crazy. I know I shouldn't be bested by a five year old, but dear god. He's the one that gets the other kids distracted and then everyone is out of whack. And then my directors come in, the kids are nuts, and I look like a bad teacher. "Strengths: N/A"
Anywho, The illustrated edition of the Sorceror's Stone was released today. We stopped by Barnes and Nobles after school, and I HAD to get it. I also got a book of 100 short stories for kids. I'm going to start reading a little more to them. In language arts, I read a little blurb story and ask them questions after. But I want real stories. I have books in the classroom, but most of them are a sentence per page.
Let's see what else.
My dad sold his house. the house I grew up in. Well apt/condo. He has to be out by the 30th, and I need to get over there at some point soon and help pack and sort. Bad timing with this whole depression and anxiety crap. On top of that, Jilly's wedding is on the 17th too.
Socializing is harder than what I want it to be. It's so weird. Being around people, even my closest friends is just too much. I try not to let it. I know it's dumb. I know what I'm feeling is unreasonable, but I can't stop it. The only person I really want to be around now is Russ.
I honestly feel so silly. From an outside perspective, it's just dumb. But internally, I'm effing nuts.
As soon as I get insurance, I really am going to go get checked out. Make this dumb brain crap go away. I just keep reminding myself that this is just another year in my life, and it will all be but a memory. This too shall pass. I really am a happy person. I'm just nuts. lol
Russ is done with his game. Time to watch some Netflix.
peace!
-mel-
7:35am
oooooh he might buy a TARDIS background for the PS4. Trying to convince him...
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