My Home Is Falling Apart

Since then, we took in a roommate, my boyfriend's fri nd of 8 years or so. He pays half of the mortgage for a much large space in our basement. We live upstairs. We share all common areas, and we both have a dog. 

When he moved in, I knew he smoked dab & weed. It didn't bother me. My concussion is not healing though and because of my post concussive symptoms, I have mad to greatly modify my lifestyle and surroundings;. Lights, smells, movement, color, etc. I am also fortunate enough to work at home. This has helped me to heal more rapidly VS if I were to have to be in the office. Lucky me, I guess. 

Roommate has lived under our roof for at least 6 months now. The following events have occurred while he has been a tenant:

1. I asked him to smoke his bud outside. He said he didn't want to because it's cold and risky. We live in UT. He could get a license to smoke but has chosen not to. I have suggested he do this. He has refused. 

2. Roommates dog brutally attacked my dog. He still owes 200$ in medical costs for this. Though this was an isolated incident, I keep a very close eye on the two of them when they are together now. I think, initially, play turned into rough play and because they were outside unattended, things got out of hand. 

3. I told roommate that his area downstairs is his and his dog is free to roam there. His dog is not free to roam upstairs unattended. That space belongs to my dog. This is her house, not his, not his dog's house. He reluctantly agreed. 

4. Roommates dog destroyed my vacuum cord. He promised to fix it. He never did. I finally said something about it and he said he would "fix it". I politely declined and told him I would prefer he replaced the cord all together. He didn't want to. He still hasn't replaced it. After waiting for almost 4 months, I told him Im done waiting. I am taking the cost to have it replaced, out of his deposit. He didn't say a word. 

I started to become more symptomatic after a bad neurologist made a mistake. I expressed that the smell of the dab and pot in the house makes my symptoms worse. Roommate ignored me when I mentioned smoking outside, again, but bought various alternatives to combat the smell. He also bought a fan for his window. 

6+ months of this guy living in my basement and a water pipe burst in his room. I was denied access because it was his bed time and he had to wrong the next day. He threw a toddler style fit to let me know he wasn't happy that I expected to see the water damage as soon as it was brought to my attention, around 10 pm. He cried to my boyfriend and yelled at me. Somehow, I was the asshole in the situation. 

Three weeks after the pipe mess was resolved, I noticed the house smelling like dab and weed again first thing in the morning after roommate left for work. 

I messaged him to tell him this. I told him if he is going to continue to insist on smoking in my house, do find a way so I don't smell it, and so the smoke alarm doesn't continue to go off each time he forgets to blow it out the window.  He apologized, stating he ran out of spray and didn't have the money to get more...

Mind you, this guy has a job when he moved in. 

Got fired for being aggressive with staff, and then he lived off of his 401k until it was gone. He barely made rent the last two months. Then he even went behind my back and gave a sob story to my boyfriend about why rent was going to be late. Leaving me out of it completely. 

Mortgage due on the 15th. His rent is due no later than the 14th. All of it. Not part of it, ALL of it. This was the deal when he moved in. My boyfriend is going back on what he agreed to when I agreed to let his friend move in. Mind you, I'm the only one on the mortgage. 

My boyfriend is a softy, but also a total child when it comes to handling real things. I should also mention, we are all in the mid to late 30's range. We agreed that he would handle anything and everything to do with his friend living here if anything comes up needing to be discussed or handled. That is not happening anymore. 

We had two other roommates prior to this dude moving in, and heach was a nightmare. The recent roommate is ok but he is a total slob, only cleans up after himself and his dog when asked or told to do it. I have to ask him to take out the garbage, to vacuum his area, to clean up after his dog, etc. It took him 3 months of living here before he ever went outside to clean up his dog's poo! I personally haven't been able to clean up after my own dog, but had tried so many times to get everyone in the house to pitch in on a dog poo cleaning service because I was post concussion healing and really struggling with just the basics.  I bought three 30$ pooper scoopers to get the job done by all living in the house. I was the only one who at least TRIED to clean up. I finally put the scoopers on the porch and told roommate to get it done. He kind of snapped back and said he would do some of it but not all. It took everything in me to bite my tongue... Like, dude, you sit around blowing your money on coke and beer and vacations. You don't clean the house or even your room. Your dog has had her heat and you still haven't bathed her. Fucking kidding me??? I broke down finally and he overheard me crying, literally crying to my mom about how my house is falling apart now that I have my brain injury and cannot keep up with the chores and that nobody is helping me, or even respecting me or my needs. 

I am officially done doing things this way!

I hired help (last night) to get my house clean every week while I am still in severe post concussiom status. Just the basics; kitchen, bathroom, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, putting things away, throwing away mountains of my boyfriend's beer cans and boxes, etc., and washing dishes. 

My boyfriend doesn't know that I have made these plans official yet. Actually, he is on a working vacation out of town, and we are not currently speaking because he is mad I nicely asked him to pick up after himself before leaving for his working vacation. I told him I cannot keep cleaning up after him right now. I explained that it is no wonder my brain isn't healing..

in order to heal said brain injury, I am 100%  required to relax to heal and I haven't so I'm not healing. He tried to argue and I responded by quickly snapping back that I'm stressed only because he refuses to help me by cleaning up after himself. That we only wrlcer argue over THAT. I told him I was leaving, to plz lmk when he is done cleaning up and I will come home. I left, went shopping for the house like I always do, made it home three hours later, found his car gone, hisesses partially cleaned up, and he refused to answer when I called him the first time so... I have not bothered him at all since my call attempt Sunday. 

I am feeling suicidal tonight. I cut when I'm stressed. It has calmed down a lot since I caught my TBI because of the severe impact his has on my symptoms flaring up. I keep wondering WHY I AM STILL HERE. 

I am in Hell. I have had a continuous migraine since February of 2022, after a stupid nurse gave me 8 too many Botox/lidocaine combo injections into my head and neck when they knew I was only to have maybe 2 or three... And all I'm trying to do is navigate the chaotic and unfamiliar waves of my new life, living with this injury. I just want to heal. I cannot heal if I have to keep doing everything for everyone, reminding grown men to flush the brown remnants of the shit they've released from their bowels, or to throw away their fucking garbage instead of leaving it on the counter, two feet away from the can. To clean up after themselves, roommate and his dog. No, instead, he mows the lawn, with picks up some of the dog shit, but smashes the rest into the grass! I keep this bottled. I get yelled at for having an opinion. I cook dinner, I also clean up after myself. I also put it away. I shop, I carry the groceries in and put them away by myself. Do I get a thank you? No, I get ball busted by two dudes who live in my fucking house, who I owe NOTHING TO... but cannot seem to get through to. The roommate is one thing, but my own boyfriend? Guess who is paying for the house keeper!? Not me! 

Guess who is being told they're not allowed to smoke in my house anymore starting tomorrow? My fucking roommate, that's who!!! I am going to tell him if he does it anymore, I am going to charge him 100$ every time. If he wants to lose his deposit, fine. He has 300$ of it left to blow. 3 x, and he signs his own 30 day notice. 

No, we never signed a lease. Yes, stupid me. I know. I live, I learn. I tried to write it out, my brain couldn't process it. It caused more stress than what it seemed to have been worth at the time. I understand the errors of my ways... And I am the reason I'm being taken advantage of. I get that. I need to grow a pair and stand up for myself and for my house... And I need to heal, with, or without my boyfriend.