it's just this day

everything's been going so fast lately.. graduation is nearing closer and closer every day. i ended up getting a full ride to csulb to get my m.a. in philosophy starting in august, which i'm pretty excited about. i got a job bartending downtown and another 30 hour/week job bartending in the 12 South district at this awesome little restaurant that supports local farmers and produce and meat, etc. needless to say, i'm very excited. i love bartending. i love making drinks for people and meeting new people and just having a good time. <3

all these good things, though, and i'm still stressed. today my car wouldn't start and my dad was upset with me for not having gotten a better car by now and not letting him know that something was wrong with my car (although i didn't know). he ended up being able to fix it, but it just made me realize how much being a broke working student can suck. there's really no way to get around it.

also, it's sort of sad leaving my hotel job. i've worked here for two years and, although i really hate working here in general, i've met some great people on this staff and its sad to say goodbye to them. i'm also rather sad about leaving nashville and everything i've discovered here and everyone i've met here. i've finally become so honest about who i am. my close friends have become my family. i love my roommate to death. i've been met with such support in the lgbt community and have wonderful people that i work for.

really, i'm not pessimistic about people in general. the capacity of people to do good always amazes me. i have no solid logical reason to think that i won't mean people just as great out in long beach... but it's always just so hard leaving such a support network. also, the last time i moved out to the ventura area i really didn't connect with a lot of people in the way i connected with people in nashville. part of that also might have been other circumstances though. i was at a community college and wasn't working and never really found a niche. also, i didn't really have a solid identity.. or even the ambition to discover what truely made me happy. i definitely have that now.

i'm really not sure what the point of this rambling was.. i guess i just felt emotional about all the upcoming changes.. sometimes trying to write it out and think about it logically helps immensely. i'm just not ready to leave. ((and at the same time, i am..as much as i can be)) but i guess that's why i should live april,may,june&july as much as i possibly can. <3

summer, here i come..

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