I have to say that I am feeling somewhat better today. I seemed to have gotten my appetite back which may be because I got my period (sorry if thats TMI). I talked to a good friend yesterday and he told me that I should give him time. He said if it was meant to be it would be. He said to be positive and be the best person I could be. He said, "It's up to you to find the balance of the old you and the new you. Remember you're not a new person, you just have different glasses!" I thought that was great advice. And you know I also thought and thought and figured out that this is a sign. A sign from God. This may sound absolutely crazy but when we were together I prayed to be more caring, be more thoughtful, be more understanding of his life and his obligations with his daughter. That was mostly the reason we broke up. Because I was jealous of his relationship with his daughter because when we first got together he used to come over often, go with me to my kids practice and games. And then it stopped. He put his daughter in soccer and there wasnt as much time for me. And I resented him for that. I almost hated her. Well I tried asking God to make me a different person and I couldn't feel it. I probably even made things worse by getting angry when I felt neglected. Well the breakup and the pain that I've felt have gave me a different view of things. I was so wrong to think like that or be as unfair as I was. I didnt appreciate what I had. I had to have it taken away from me to appreciate it. I had to truly hurt to change. Now although I may never get the chance to repair things with him or fix how wrong I was and as hard as that is to face...I know what I did! I know I was wrong. No excuses. If I got the chance I would never think like that again. I would be a much better person, a caring person. And if I don't, then if I ever got in another relationship then I would have learned from this. I hope things continue to improve as time goes by but for now I will continue to have hope.  |
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