OH GOD WHY DIDN'T I REMEMBER??

06/06/2009

Dumb picture of me before my rant:







THIS IS WHAT SVETLANA SAID TO ME BEFORE I CAME THERE. OH GOD WHY DIDNT I REMEMBER?
Current mood:Hysterical
THIS IS WHAT SHE SAID. OH GOD WHY DIDNT I LISTEN? I DIDNT REMEMBER.


Svetlana Said :

('so trish your defence at me being drunk was to try and hurt me back?
hun..i love you dearly...but i dont know what to do when i get drunk!! or tipsy for that matter...i know that i cant drink anymore...i know that...sam as how im getting addicted to ciggs...but its like...as long as its there...im going to do it...UGGGGGGGGG its like im trapped...and i wnt to get out...but the spider has started to eat me alive...')


Me now :

AND THEN I PROCEEDED TO GO THERE AND FUCKING GET HER ALCOHOL ALL OF THE TIME. It was the same for her with that as me with drugs. as long as its there im gonna do it. and i gave her the way..


SEE I TOLD YOU THAT THIS WAS ALL MY FAULT.

I NEVER SHOULD HAVE GONE THERE.

AT LEAST ID STILL HAVE HER.

AT LEAST SHE WOULDNT HATE ME.

AT LEAST I COULD LIVE WITH MY FUCKING SELF.

AT LEAST I WOULDNT WANT TO DIE

AT LEAST I WOULDNT BE GOING CRAZY

AT LEAST I COULD HEAR HER VOICE TONIGHT

AT LEAST SHE WOULDNT DESPISE ME

Oh god I would give my life to undo what I have done.

Please..Forgive me? I CAN'T GO ON UNLESS I KNOW THAT SHE FORGIVES ME.

omg omg..

I can't do this..